Knockin' on heavens door.

Do you ever think about how sick, twisted and lonely this world really is? The other day I was caught in a situation that required me calm, focused, paying attention…and yet I wasn't. My mind was some place else, racing a million miles per hour. People around me were smiling, laughing, they seemed happy…and there I was completly gutted on the inside, and angry, and mad, and furious and just lost.

I remember pretending to be paying attention, giving a fake smile and a comment all while trying to surpress the tears that are burning somewhere in the back of my eyes. And I can't help but think what would the world be like if our struggles were like emotions on the sleeve, out for everyone to see? Would people be kinder to one another? Or would we just turn into judgemental animals? Doing nothing but victim blaming and make it a contest about who suffers more?

Life is so twisted, feelings are so twisted, people relationships are twisted. The kindest people will always suffer the most and the biggest animals will always live the best life. Honesty, morals, caring for another living being means nothing on this planet no more. And quite honestly the more I watch it the more it makes me sick.

I feel like an alien all the time. There is no place for me to fit in. People don't think the way I do, people don't see the world like I do. People are weird and horrible and I'm just…disgusted by it all, the greed, the lack of compassion, the treatment of one another, the selfishness, the lack of morals, all of it it disgusts me. And here I am wondering, how the hell am I supposed to live in a world I don't like, don't understand and certainly don't want to be a part of?

Should I just create my own ''world'', a bubble in which nobody but few rare individuals are welcome in? What happened to that whole ''no person is an island''? Because I just might be…

And then sometimes life surprises you, something amazing happens, something worth living for. A concert of your favourite band, you get that job you wanted so bad, your art gets appreciated like it should be,…

Sometimes life is a slow Sunday morning, making pancakes with the love of your life, their arms wrapped around you and everything is okay. The only problem is that those moments are getting so far and few in between that all the depression and darkness and bitterness just aint worth the struggle no more.

That line fro that song fits here ''what's the use of trying? All you get is pain. When I wanted sunshine I got rain''. Who sings that again? Smash mouth? I think so anyways…

Here's more music I enjoy lately. At least that one song ''Knocking on heavens door''. And you will never hear me, the huge GN'R (obsessed) fan repeat this, but I actually prefer Dylans version.

I always liked Bob Dylan. Maybe not always so much as a musician but more as a person. I mean the guy is a legend he's been a constant influential figure in popular music and culture for more than five decades.

You probably don't know this, but just to make is clear on how amazing Dylan really is, since early 90's he published eight books of drawings and paintings and his work has been on display in major art galleries. I mean the man parties with the big dogs.

He sold over 100 million records which gave him the title of one of the best selling artists of all time. He's got a shit ton of awards, Grammys (from the time those still made sense, now they're an insult fort he music world. Seriously nominating Bieber? What kinda sick joke is that?), a Golden globe and of course also an Academy award. Pretty awesome don't you think?

Of course he is also in the Rock and roll hall of fame THE one. As well as in Songwriters hall of fame, Minnesota music hall of fame and Nashville songwriters hall of fame. It's like he's collecting hall of fames at this point. What the hell? Do you know how fucking excited I was for Def leppard this year? And that was just one nomination, just one win, and then there's this guy looking like some lumberjack collecting HOF's like it's all a big joke. Props Dylan. You're amazing.

Don't think it ends there either, Dylan received the Pulitzer prize in 2008 for his ''prfound impact on popular music and American culture, marked by lyrical compositions of extraordinary poetic power''. Woah, literally had to copy paste this, man it was a mouth full. And of course there was also the Nobel Prize in literature in 2016, how many musicians can say something like that about their work? I'd say very few. For one that I would like joining that list is definatelly the Boss. His lyrics are different, but equally amazing. These are songs that have meaning. A song that you listen to and a whole movie plays in your head during. Songs that make you understand, and feel, and make it as if you're really there, living the lives of the people pictures in those songs, in those lyrics. Some are dark, some are happy, some are free, but that's just how it is in life isn't it? Happy and sad, a mixture of feelings.

What was it that Homer once said ''Sing in me, Muse, and through me tell the story''…

Pat Garrett & Billy the Kid is obviously a soundtrack album, released mid 1973 and I think it was the 12th studio album in a row that Dylan recorded. Now before you rip me to shreds I'll go on and say that I'm not a huge fan of this album at all. Most likely the reason why I kept it is because Knocking on heavens door is on. I literally put that song as loud as it goes and turn the player off when it's over. I'm pretty sure that song is what made it certified gold in the first place.

The album is mostly instrumental and what strikes me as odd is that after a three or so years long pause where he basically dropped off at the side of the planet he comes back with this? Why? Alright the meoldies are well played no arguing there but they're kinda basic, kinda boring don't you think?

Billy 1, Billy 4, Billy 7….? Should I feel grateful that there were no Billy's in between? One is just meh, one is more dramatic I suppose and another is just boring. Maybe put together they get a more interesting approach, like a song split three ways when really it should just be one long song?

And also another really strange thing, the title of the soundtrack and as well the movie is ''Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid'' but like despite Pat being a major character in this story and Billy having three lame songs there's not one about Pat? It's like a deliberate shot at ending his own career so help me jesus. Or a shot at Paul McCartney who released Live and let die at the same day. Literally. Though the two can't compete. Live and let die is amazing.

Let me point out that most critics at the time responded quite the same as me. Unfavorably. If I quote Jon Landau who in Rolling stone wrote ''it is every bit as inept, amateurish and embarrassing as Self Portrait. And it has all the earmarks of a deliberate courting of commercial disaster, a flirtation that is apparently part of an attempt to free himself from previously imposed obligations derived from his audience.''. Not very nice is it?

But just so I won't be completely judgemental, without this album there would be no ''Knockin' on Heaven's door'' and that would be a crying shame. It's such a smile song, very repetive if you think about it but so great, the melody, the lyrics, the sound of his voice, a little girl I know would call that voice ''sounds like ice and old sweaters'', and in a way she's right isn't she? Either way, it's a beautiful song, in original version, in GN'R version and in Eric Clapton's version and in Bruce Springsteens version and in Bon Jovi's version, but not in Avril Lavignes voice, you suck Avril go back to singing about Hello Kitty.

GN'R put this song on Use your illusion II and played it at 1992 tribute concert for Freddie Mercury (look at that another concert I would just DIE to be at, well more so an actual Queen concert with Freddie alive, but this was also an incredible moment in music history. An amazing gig with 72 000 people attending. Wild.)

So then put the record on, if you have it, if not iPod will do and get lost in his voice for those three minutes and a couple of seconds. It's amazing I swear.