Original sin

I never hated Mondays as I do lately. The near thought of having to go out and face the world with a big fake smile, pretending that I am not fucking dying on the inside is so hard. Not just hard, it seems impossible these days. To say I had a rough year is an understatement of the year. There are hardly words to describe how badly I want it to end, but then again, what's the point 2019 will not be any better. If anything, worse. And you know what's the worst part? Expectations. People just expect me to be okay, to be normal, to move on, do something with my life, and I just want to scream. Life goes on yes, but it seems like my world has stopped and is falling apart around me and I can't take a second longer of it. I feel like that Of mice and men song ''pain pain pain''. Constantly, all the time. Every second. Everything hurts. Emotionally I mean.

People say ''you're a fighter'' and, ''you got this''. Really, I don't and I am not. I am falling apart at the seams, guess the question here is what happens when a fighter can no longer fight? You lay down your guns and surrender? And if you can't even do that? What else is there left to do?

But enough about that, this post isn't supposed to get depressing like so many of them do. This post is supposed to be about another man I have a huge horrible terrible crush on. And this one is dead. A well. Well good job Nikki no? If they aren't 50+ they're dead. A sure way to die alone with 50 cats. Let me start the post with a quote by said man that I always admired SO much…

''Q: What do you find appalling ?

A: “The American attitude towards women. The whole way they talk about sex. You know: “Lets get some pussy”. Jesus! Pussy is a great word, whenever you mean your cat, but for a woman… no! Not to speak about a woman’s genitals! They can be so stupid. Americans are not real. They fake as if they’re emancipated. An American man can sit and listen to a woman as if she is Einstein… but as soon as she turns around he whispers: “Look at her arse!” The philosophy of American men is: ‘We are prepared to do anything to get a women into our bed, even pretending to treat her as an equal.”

- Michael Hutchence (Playboy, 1993)''

You will probably know Michael Hutchence as the lead singer of the band INXS which btw I absolutely adore. Never tear us apart is one of my  top fave songs, literally I would get it tattooed on me that's how much I love it. Even if it makes me sad also, specially if I remember it was played at his funeral.

Here's another tragic story of an amazing band and musician. Michael was an amazing singer and he also died way too young. 37 only. How is life eve fair? There's a lot of conspiracy about his death too, suicide or no, it's sad and unfair, no matter what happened. And though INXS went on for a while after that just wasn't it anymore.

I'm always listening to the Kick so this one doesn't get it's turn at all but it's a great record as well. Unfortunally the one with ''Beautiful girl'' is missing. I don't have that album. Sigh. You know someone once dedicated that song to me on stage? Saying ''aparently this song is about a Nicky and I'd like to dedicate it to my Nikki''. Huge crowd, summer night, epic moment, not going to lie.

The swing is their fourth studio album released in 1984. I read once that The Swing is one of the five albums by INXS that you have to own. Yes kids, it's not all about greatest hits, dinosaurs like me actually like to own albums not just hits. Point here is that yes, this is an album you really should own if you like the band, it sounds like a record by a band that's ready for world domination. And the feeling when you listen to it is just the same.

It's always all about the multi million selling Kick and I get it that one is just…woah…you know. But really if you happen to forget just how good this band really is then The Swing will remind you. I feel like this album is where they really defined their sound. Like all the influences and everything that made the band run flowed into that one perfect sound. Really there is not one filler on this album, every single song is great. 

See thing is I love Michaels approach to song writing, sure he knew how to be a drizzle of darkness which I guess really explains why I love the man. Ha ha. He'd write lyrics such as ''watch the world argue with itself'' which it really does let's be honest, but thing is the very next line is optimistic ''who's gonna teach me peace and happiness?'' I would gladly, given the chance. Just saying.

INXS were super talented musicians but Michael was the star just like Queen had Freddie, INXS had Michael, he had a stage presence not many people have. I get all weak in the knees watching him parade up and down the stage looking like Jim Morrison and Mick Jagger had a baby. The man is sex on legs so help me jesus. I am really starting to think there's something in Australian water. All their men are hot. Hello Chris Hemsworth? Keith Urban? I mean come on!

I think the band had potential just like Guns N' Roses to be one of the biggest bands on the planet if things didn't play out like they did. They were mega stars for a limited time because honestly try as you may but without Michael the band was just…I don't know like Earth without art is just eh. You know what I mean?

I won't disect and talk on end about this album, it's a great album as is. They created a new type of Rock n roll with it. In a way it's a party album. The entire record is up beat and fun. Music you can dance to. Fun and catchy and the funny party is that this was from a time they weren't world wide mega stars and this is one of their best works anyways.

For me, all you have to do is put this album on, let the first song ''Original sin'' play and be like ''yeah that's it. Right there. I'm sold.'' They are that good.

So in that spirit, go play some good music and I do hope you have a bearable week.

Too much love will kill you, just as sure as none at all.

You know I have a ton of favorite bands. Literally a ton. There's so much music that I love, so many singers I admire, though lets say Queen are in my top 10. I adore them, Freddie's voice? My god. Amazing. Everyone that knows me knows one of the things I keep whining about is never seeing Freddie with Queen, and not being alive at the time of Live Aid. Come on let's be serious. Live Aid? It's the most amazing thing that has ever happened. The energy of the crowd alone when Queen came on? Woah. To be there, to feel that power, to breathe the same air…I can't even imagine how it must be, better then sex, better then drugs. And the best proof that music has insane power. Live Aid raised 127 million dollars for famine relief in Africa. Incredible.

I was really looking forward to Bohemian Rhapsody the movie as soon as I heard they're making it. A view into Freddies life in a way we couldn't have it before. You probably know he was a very private person, and rightfully so. Critics and people tore him apart no matter what he did. Even before I went to see it I heard critics *cough idiots cough* complain about it, not ''gay'' enough, doesn't have this doesn't have that. Blah blah blah bullshit.

The movie is a celebration of Queens music, their legacy, the legend that was Freddie. He didn't give a flying fuck about stereotypes, he didn't give a flying fuck about what he should do, what is right, what is expected of him, what his music should sound like, he did his thing, and he did it bloody amazing. I don't think there's another singer out there right now or will there ever be another one with such power and such control over the audience, if you watch Live Aid you can see people as in a trance following Freddie's every single move.

Bohemian Rhapsody starts with Brian and Roger with a band nobody cared about, playing in dark shitty bars, trying to make it big, while being students, astrophysic and a dentist? Crazy isn't it? The band became THE band when Freddie joined. He was the heart, the soul and the bright shining star. Though I don't think that fame really was all that he hoped it's going to be. Or at least as much fun as he expected it to be.

One of the critics I heard most was that the movie isn't picturing Freddie right, that it feels like the movie is ashamed to show Freddie was gay. Like I'm sorry but were we watching the same movie? His sexual preference was more then obvious from the movie but also even if it wasn't, this is a movie about Queen not Freddie alone. About their music and legacy. And I just hate how people seem to ''degrade'' Fred down to just some gay singer. His sexual orientation wasn't all that he was. There was so much more to him than that. He was smart and caring, he loved cats, he was a good friend and a perfectionist which I assume made him hard to work with sometimes. I would guess the movie doesn't tell the audience more then we already know about Freddies gay relationships and HIV because he never told until the very end. Maybe in a way this is respecting his wishes, he never wanted to make a big deal out of it. Freddie loved his music, that was all that mattered, which is why I believe that's where the focus of the movie is, despite of course it being a Queen movie not Freddie movie.

The movie starts in the 70's when Freddie worked at the airport, he was different then already, special style, combing crazy pieces of clothing, trying different things. He was something special. After a quick ''audition'' on the parking lot Brian and Roger take him as the new singer and thank god they do don't you think? Even if I believe if they didn't, there would be a place for Freddie in the music business anyways. He was just too bright of a star to never shine.

What I really loved was that the movie ends with Live Aid preformance, which may I point out I've seen a million bloody times and the way Rami Malek does it, every move, every single move, he got it, spot on Freddie behaviour. The walk, the charisma. The kids got it. Anyways ending with Live Aid that happened in 1985, I think that was a great ending of an amazing movie. As I said before Live Aid was an amazing moment in musical history and despite the fact that Queen went on for six more years that were just as important as the rest, the movie couldn't have ended on a better note. Not just the concert but the rest, despite it being the cold truth, it's just too sad and I am glad it's not included. Better to end on a moment that went down in history.

Maybe what bothers me a tiny bit is the fact how their road from basically nobodys to megastars seemed to went on relatively without a hitch. But then again should you picture everything in a movie it should be made in at least three parts so it's understandable. I loved how they pictured his relationship with Mary Austin, since we all know how important she was to him.

But for real the most important thing of the movie, Rami Malek. Oh my fucking god. That man is not amazing he is AMAZING. He's like a secret weapon someone was hiding to unleash and shock us all. Woah, the way he acts, the way he stepped into Freddie shoes. It's just, it's amazing. The walk, the strutt! The facial expressions, the teeth, lip licking, everything down to the very last little detail, he lives and breathes Freddie. He is absolutely spectacular. Of course there's other cast members that are great as well. Like Ben Hardy as Roger, not only is he totally fun and all the ''old married couple'' bickering between him and Fred is great and he's really cute too (and did you know what a playboy Roger was? Haha), Rami outshines them all completly. Like they are not even there.

It's really not just a movie it's a masterpiece and honestly I would suggest every Queen fan and every music fan to give it a chance.

And Freddie. God I love you, you're so amazing, and I feel so lucky that if I wasn't able to see you live I at least live in a time I get to enjoy your voice and your legacy. Your voice is nothing short of absolutely amazing and Queen are one of the biggest bands on the planet not just because of the experimentation with your music, and the talent in the band, but also because of your charisma. Some people have it and some people don't.

In that spirit, taking out my iPod and putting ''Too much love will kill you'' as loud as it goes and on reply for about 20 times. Sweet dreams guys.

I don't mind, what you're doing to me, I don't mind, 'cause you're all I can see I don't mind, baby, you mean the world to me...

''When I look back on everything I've done I know you must have cried river of tears. But, you were there when I was feeling low to walk me through my darkest fears. So when the sun goes down an' those nights grow colder, I will be there, looking over your shoulder, an' the deeper the love, the stronger the emotion, an' the stronger the love, the deeper the devotion.''

''There were times I almost let you go when I thought I needed to break free, but you were there to whisper in my ear why don't you share my dreams with me. So when the sun goes down an those nights are growing colder I will be there looking over your shoulder. An' the deeper the love, the stronger the emotion, an' the stronger the love the deeper the devotion...''

Whitesnake - The deeper the love