Wave after wave. I'm slowly drifting, drifting away. And it feels like I'm drowning...

You know how they say stress is a silent killer? If that's true I'm as good as dead in the next week or so. The past two months I'm pretty sure I wasn't even human anymore but just like 80% stress and 20% water. And I am so tired. And so done. I get it life is not pretty or perfect but this is just seriously too much. I know I know. Just a little bit more then I'm done but it's not as easy. The problem is there's no reward to look after all this. Like I drive myself insane, studying as hard as I study. My grades are all between 90 and 100% and I ask myself what the fuck for? It's not like there's a light at the end of the tunnel or better yet a job. And even if there is it's not something I want to do, or something I'd love to do. It's just something to cause me more stress and anxiety. Either because I won't have a job or because I'll work a job I'll hate. There's a lot to look forward to in my future isn't it? I know IF I'm lucky enough to even get a job I should be thankful and shut up and stop complaining. Well fuck no. This is not the world I want to live in. Where people are miserable and stressed all their lives, working a job they hate barely surviving on it as is. Or working hard each month and barely make a living. This is just...I don't know it bothers me so much. And the problem is people are so fucking numb. They don't care. They get comfortable in their own hell and don't want to do anything to improve it. This is what frustrates me so much. Don't you want your lives to be better? Happier? Free? Do you enjoy worrying and stress and being walked on? What the hell is the matter with you? Here's the thing. People might be comfortable living like that but I'm not. I'm different. Maybe that's the artistic side of me. I know artists rearly fit into their envirovment. Well go figure I haven't noticed. Maybe that's why I'm so angry and so frustrated lately. Because everything bothers me. This country, the politics, the people, the stupidity, the hate, the economy. Everything is driving me fucking mad. I get to a point where people just breathing in my direction makes me want to kill them. And I don't know what the problem is. Is it me or is it everyone around me but I came to a point where I can't handle the stupidity anymore. I don't carry myself high or think I'm above all the rest but I do believe I'm smarter then most idiots in this god damn place. The shit people write online...unbefuckinglivable. I can't even comprehend that there's so much stupid in a single human body. And then there's all the hate. You think different, you look different, you believe in different things and suddenly you're a nazi or a fascist or rasist or whatever else people come up with. I've been called so many names lately I don't even remember them all anymore. And I am just done. Fine you don't agree with me. I don't care nobody is forcing you to stay in my life. You don't see the world as I do. Fucking fantastic I am not forcing my opinions down on you, you're completly free to walk away any second. What I do demand is respect. I am done playing nice and stupid. I am 24 yes. But I am not a fucking idiot. I don't need to experience life before I comment on your stupid ass posts. Just because I'm younger and you're older doesn't mean you're smarter. You can be old and stupid. I will not be walked on and I will not back down. I have my opinions I have my beliefs and they're different I'm aware but fucking fuck you they're mine and I have every right to have them while you have absolutely no fucking right to try and change me, to force me into your box, to even think you have any right to tell me how to live my life. Or to tell me what's wrong and what's right. And I will not stand a minute of it. My life. My choices. My mistakes. My problem. That's all there is to it. I still prefer all the nasty names you chose to call me because I know I got them while being willing to fight for something I believe in which is more then I can say for all you bitches. Yapping online with annonymous names. So brave you are. Really. Fuck you. Fuck all of you. I'm done. Done with this place, done with this town and fucking done with all the people.

I wish I was somewhere on a beach, sipping something strong, forgetting that the world around me even exists. Wishfull thinking...