''Bite me''

There will be spoilers ahead. Consider yourself warned. 

I can't believe I bought the third basically same version of a book. *SIGH*. First it was Twilight, then Life and death which is basically a Twilight reimagined, but same shit. And now Midnight sun which is just Twilight from a different point of view. 

Y'all probably know I have a million and one problem with Stephanie Meyer these days. Starting with her abuse of the Native Americans to the accusations of plagiarism. Fake or not I don't know. It's horrible you know, you got these stories. Twilight saga, Harry Potter, Shadowhunters. Stories you love, book worlds you love to get lost in when the real world sucks too much to handle. And then you learn that all those authors that gave us those worlds, those masterpieces, are all fucking assholes. I mean one shouldn't let that ruin the story…I still love Twilight, I still love Harry Potter, they're stories I grew up with but, you can't help it, having them sort of tarnished…it sucks.

 

 

( Midnight Sun / Stephenie Meyer / Young adult, fantasy, romance novel / )

All of that is enough to turn me off of Stephanie Meyer, not wanting to buy more books, merch, give her more money…but how could I not get Midnight sun when I've waited for 13 years to get my hands on it. We all wanted to hear what Twilight is like from Edwards point of view. And just two or three chapters in I was surprised just how much and how many times he wanted to kill her. That could of been a whole different story from the get go, the romantic, perfect Edward going on a murder spree. Don't get me wrong, I was team Edward just like everyone else, swooning over the seemingly perfect boy who speaks like he's from a different century (well he is) and drives a Volvo (stupid shiny Volvo owner), but to be honest I always prefered Carlisle, blond, older, perfect…

Moving on. Midnight sun therefore is the same story told from a different point of view. Edwards. And what does he have to say? Fucking too much let me tell you that. More than 700 pages too much. Story stays unchanged, lines of conversation are the same, obviously. I hear people complaining about that but what did you expect, really? It's the same story! This is much better though, I always found Bella sort of bland, uninteresting (sorry, Ed) and seeing this story through his eyes is much better purely because it gives you some inside into the eternal struggle, pain, doubt, family dynamics, into why Edward is the way he is. Complex. Moody. Brooding. I would love to get Carlisle or Alices perspective though (but don't you dare Meyer, three same books are absolutely enough) maybe on some history, their lives before Twilight. A love story between Carlisle and Esme. That would kill me. I'd die on the spot. My favourite couple right there. 

Excuse the crappy photo quality, it's an old drawing, and I can't for the love of me find it to take a better photo. It's still one of my favourites though. Even if today, if I redraw, I could probably do much better...maybe I should test that theory in the future...

Has anyone thought about how bizarre it is that after 13 years this book is released now, during a worldwide pandemic, when the Spanish flu pandemic in 1918 is what killed Edward? I mean she couldn't plan it obviously but it's still funny how some things fall into place like that.

Of course if you're after the romance, the undying forever love you wont be disappointed, Edwards obsession with Bella, the only and the most beautiful woman on the planet, ''the one that made his dead frozen heart beat again'' (ugh gag me with a spoon) there's plenty of that there too.  But all his internal monologue how she should stay away, how he should of let her go, how he's no good for her, blah blah blah, it gets boring. We get it, you see her as dinner. Not gonna lie the watching her sleep part? A little creepy dude. Lay that shit off.

What I more than enjoyed though was the dynamic between Alice and Edward, always working together to keep the clumsy mess that is Bella away from harm, which believe me isn't an easy task. It's like she's just asking for it, any and all kind of danger, trust Bella to find it.

I also loved a more personal view into other people's minds in the book through Edwards abilities. I was hardly surprised seeing how some were just superficial, sex, prom, money, that freak Cullen, or the undying love and support Edward got from his adoptive parents. Hardly a shock there. But what I enjoyed was the interactions between Edward and Emmett, it give a better view into their brotherly relationship, the fact that Emmett calls him ''kid'' is just endearing.

Generally though, I can't say I'm impressed with her style of writing (Meyer is no Hemingway after all) the quote on midnight sun in the book is just making you cringe and the entire book sort of reads like fan fiction, though well not going to lie that I have in fact read better fan fiction. What the hell do you think I do all those sleepless nights? Well, besides sketching. I don't know what it is with artists and their talent only working at night. Back to the point. The book was dedicated to the fans. That's kinda obvious because well, who besides the fans will read it?

What bugs me is that she had the chance to mature, to make the book more mature, as her readers matured, but she didn't. And what really fucking pissed me off were Edwards fantasies about killing the Quileute tribe. I get it, creppy obsessed Edward just felt that way, BUT, given how she treated them in the past, how she fucked them over, this was just tastless and the book could do without it.

It seems to me…you know…after so many years of no release and excuses, such as it wasn't released because it would seem like competition with E.L. James and her male point of view ''Gray'' novel (Cmon seriously? That's just bullshit, can't really compare porn with uptight Edward huh?) that this is just a quick money grab. After one million copies sold just in the first week it's not far off either is it. I guess the book, the story, had the potential to be a million times better. So all in all I guess it's a bit disappointing. Waiting for so many years…I don't know you'd expect something else.

All that said, it doesn't change that my Twihard heart exploded into rainbows, unicorns and that glitter Edward is made of when I heard that the book is finally getting released. And it doesn't change the nostalgia and reviving my Cullen crush that happened while reading this book. Reading it felt like reconecting with an old friend. Like rekindling a relationship with an old lover. Falling back in love with Edward and the Cullens felt as easy as breathing. And yes I did hyperventilate for good five minutes when picking this book up for the first time. Holy hell.

So safe to say, I enjoyed it a lot, despite the negative parts I mentioned above. It was a lot that I wished for and a lot that I hoped for. And despite it having so many pages, I finished it all too quick. Here's to re reading the entire series because that seems to be in order.

So there's that, enough spoilers spilled I believe, let me just wish, to all my readers starting school tomorrow, good luck, I know it will be a whole new world, not only because it's been almost a year but because this ''new normal'' is far from actually normal.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to satisfy my ''thirst'' with a little smutty Carlisle fan fic. Hey don't judge, some read 50 shades of (fucked up) Grey and some read kinky fanfiction. So cheers, have a good week. Or at least, lets survive the week.

 

Watch out for the seas of hatred and sin or all us people forget what we've been.

You know how dominated the music scene is by American and British artists? How little credit bands from other countries get? And I've seen and met so many different bands from all over the world who were talented and in so many ways so much better than so many US and UK bands. Like say Scorpions? Amazing. And Rammstein? Holy shit! And how about Scandinavia? They have all the best bands. Like Volbeat, Nightwish, Amon Amarth, In flames, Europe, Opeth, Ghost, Apocalyptica, HIM, Lordi,…to name just a few. Finland per example is the best country for heavy metal and hard rock music, they play it on all commercial radios over there, while here I could burst out in tears when I hear Guns N' Roses on our radio stations. 

One of such in my opinion underrated bands are German Helloween. They're a power metal band from Hamburg. Founded in the 80's (1984) actually by members of Iron fist and Gentry. The original lineup released the ''Keeper of the Seven Keys'' together which made them the heavy metal band worth noticing and actually helped create the sub genre ''power metal'' which just didn't exist before. The singer left after unfortinally so the second part of Keeper is with a different singer. 

Story goes on simmilar as it does with Skid row. Skid were a massive band, no wonder because you just can't beat Bach vocals. That man. Shit. I get shivers just thinking about those screams in Monkey business or the emotional way he sings In a darkened room, but that's besides the point, first two Skid albums were amazing, smashing hits, then Bach left or was kicked out or whatever happened, it's unclear but that was a nail in the coffin because no albums that followed were as good. Same with Helloween. First two albums without Hansen the original singer, Pink bubbles go Ape and Chameleon were complete failures both commercially and critically, which in turn caused more tension with the band members and more lineup changes. 

See I don't get it. I get artistic difference and I get that people just can't get along but a band should be like a job. I mean it's great when musicians are best friends and they hang out together and stuff but if not…why not grit your teeth and get on with it? Look at the Stones, I mean Mick and Keith never liked eachother but that never affected the band one bit. They stayed together and made so much good music. Isn't it such a crying shame really? Skid Row could be such a massive band and they could make so much amazing music. Same as GN'R. I thank the lord each day they're back together…well sorta. I aint gonna be happy till I see Steven and Izzy as well. 

So you can imagine the buzz when Helloween announced in 2014 that two original members were rejoining the band. The ''Pumpkins united'' world tour ended up being the biggest tour in the band's history, spanning over 14 months and consisting of 69 shows, and also a live album plus DVD. 

I know it makes no sense to review part II before part I. But I don't actually have part I and I rather like this one…

I've read that both Keeper albums were actually supposed to be one double album, which makes it logical why part II feels like it's a continiuation of something. Carrying on something that was left of somewhere. I never actually listened to part I but this is actually a brilliant idea, to do two albums and connect them somehow. You know like SIXX AM did? The dammned and the blessed albums? Brilliant idea. 

This album has such amazing harmonies, fast mindblowing riffs, bitching bass and hair raising vocals. Okay so it may not be the same singer but let me tell you something, the album is just as great. 

Can we just talk about the cover for a second? Both albums have such great covers. I really love cover art that's not photography but painted art. Like old movie posters. Ever saw those? So great and so artistic. I guess the artist in me appreciates this so much more. I  mean everyone can take a picture, photoshop the hell out of it and slap it on the front page, but it takes a hell of a lot more effort to actually create a piece of art like these two covers are. And as well their other covers, I really like ''Better than raw'' it's oh my god amazing, ''The time of the oath'' which actually reminds of Keeper part I a lot and ''Metal jukebox''. Super creative and I'm getting them all at some point (when grown up, rich and famous lol) for the artistic value alone.  Some such covers are also Danger Danger self titled album and ''Screw it!'' which I also want both. Great band, great music, perfect covers. What did you expect really, boys with long blond hair in leather. I'm predictable. Lol. And super carried away as per usual.

Keeper of the seven keys Part II was the third studio album, released in 1988. It was received very well, and actually went gold in Germany (well that's not that much of a surprise). The two songs that probably everyone knows on this album are ''Dr. Stein'' and ''I want out''. First one has this long solo that's really kinda dark and kinda bluesy, which doesn't sound like anything really on this album also if you pay attention you'll hear the organ. ''I want out'' on the other hand was and still is the bands most famous song it has so many remakes as well, by Gamma Ray (which is funny considering that that's the very band founded by Kai Hansen after leaving Helloween. Mindboggling.) and also LORD and Sonata Arctica. 

Loudwire also named this album as number one on their ''top 25 power metal albums of all time'' that is a big deal if you ask me. You can also find it on ''the 10 essential power metal albums'' by Metal Hammer. That makes it significant for the power metal scene as I said. Maybe they're the Beatles to some modern power metal bands like Beast in black (amazing band, drop what you're doing and go listen). 

You can hear how polished the sound is on this album. Fresh. Enjoyable. Perfect. Yes it might sound a bit ''80's-ish'' but that doesn't change the clear harmonies between the guitars the excellent bass job or Kiske's incredible voice. Sometimes people say that albums that go on over 40 or 45 minutes get boring. This one is just under 55 minutes and let me tell you, it's not boring for a second. No filler songs no dull moment. Instead of complaining y'all should be happy to get a few extra minutes of a great album. An extra song or two. How perfect is that? 

I'm not going to rant forever, this isn't Guns N' Roses or Springsteen who I love a bit too much, but seriously, all that blond hair and tight clothes. Just too sexy. I'm shallow. I'd pick this up and listen to it due to their looks alone, never mind if they suck. Thankfully they don't, but you get the point. 

So, there's that. Excuse me while I go get some air and possibly melt outside. Super hot as per usual. Thank god actually, been raining for far too long. Started to feel like the Amazonia not Europe. Have a great week y'all, don't let the Muggles get you down. 

Prefiero yo morir de amor a que el amor me falte

''Que yo iba a lastimarte y que no me iba a quedar, que yo sería el culpable y que tú ibas a llorar, no es cierto, no es cierto, no es cierto. No hay nada más difícil que aprender a mentir, fingiendo que estoy vivo cuando voy a morir, por dentro, por dentro, por dentro.

Y todo es fácil para ti olvidar, yo nunca quise nada más siempre fue muy tarde...

Me haces falta, amor, explícame qué te hizo falta, amor, ¿será todo eso que me falta, amor? Si lo único que me hace falta, amor, es ese amor que no me das. ¿Por qué me obligas a dejarte atrás? ¿Por qué me obligas a sentir dolor? Si lo único que te hace falta, amor, es este amor.

Y yo la rabia empiezo a acumular, no, el odio no puedo evitar, sólo espero que al final el amor no te falte si yo lo encuentro en otra parte.''

''No quiero disimular, no quiero hablarte, no quiero que al despertar quiera besarte. Voy buscando una razón para olvidarte entre más lo intento, más me cuesta soltarte, no, me duele el vacío que dejas por dentro. Me duele inventarme falsos sentimientos ¿cómo viviré con tanto sufrimiento?

Me haces falta, amor, explícame qué te hizo falta, amor, ¿será todo eso que me falta, amor? Si lo único que me hace falta, amor, es ese amor que no me das. ¿Por qué me obligas a dejarte atrás? ¿Por qué me obligas a sentir dolor? Si lo único que te hace falta, amor, es este amor.

Y yo la rabia empiezo a acumular, no, el odio no puedo evitar, sólo espero que al final el amor no te falte.

No sabes pedir perdón, tú fuiste tan cobarde, no juegues con un corazón, porque al final se parte,

Prefiero yo morir de amor, a que el amor me falte.''

* Sebastián Yatra & Ricky Martin -Falta Amor *

Can you fall in love, when you're falling apart?

''On behalf of the SpaceX and NASA teams, welcome back to planet Earth''. That's what Michael Heiman, engineer for SpaceX that was communicating with the astronauts said after they landed safely in the water yesterday. That was the first water landing of an American crew since 1975. Trust me, I should know, I'm a huge space geek, something that keeps me up at night, reading articles about space then suddenly it's 3 in the morning and I'm neck deep into wikipedia articles about black holes. I don't know, something about the infinity of space, the silence, the beauty, the idea how insignificant we really are comparing to all of that. All of what's beyond. Beyond…well I don't know beyond what. I've read a whole bunch of theories but none ever sounded right. One of the most popular arguments in our house. My family just loves to call me insane for believing in extraterrestial life. I think under that everyone just imagines little green beings like ET that Hollywood made us believe in, but it could, really be as little as a bacteria. My whole point is just that it's extremely egocentrical to believe that we're alone in a whole wide neverending space. 

But that was not the point of this post, the geek in me just got carried away. Like the geek in me gets carried away by all the Pentagon files and strange signals and things like Skinwalker Ranch. Point here though is that ''welcome back to Earth''. Imagine that, coming back to Earth, to this. To the ''Earth'' we have right now…yeah…might as well stay up in space to be honest. Can't help but wonder when did things get so fucked up. Started with someone eating a bat in China and we got all the way here months later? Hard to believe. Guess I'm just bitter, bitter about no concerts and worrying about countless of my friends working in the industry and their future, their lives. It was brought to my attention that people seem to think that musicians work alone, that they go to different venues, set up their stages, turn on the lights and lock up after leaving. Madness. And here I am stressed about where will all those people that make a show amazing go, what will happen with their careers, what will happen with their stories, what will happen with music in general. Fuck. 

I guess I'm also bitter because as I've said a million times, music, concerts, are my happy place and I feel so miserable and so lost. I honestly can't seem to function without having something to look forward to, something to make me like, okay just a few more miserable dates till this tour, till that tour, till whatever else. Truth is, I didn't get to see Gerard Way this july 4th and I honestly feel like I won't see him the next one either. 

I guess I'm also bitter because all my vacation plans fell through. There are things I've been planning for so long and by some miracle stars aligned and things were a go this year, before the pandemic that is. Now I'm stuck at home. In a country I never particulary liked, never mind loved. I miss Vienna, I miss Italy, I miss Rome, Milan, I miss Berlin, Finland, I miss everything that isn't home. I miss adventures. And I miss me, relaxed and stress free in those places. I miss the happiness they give me and I fucking miss getting away from this godawful place for a little while. Something's in the air I tell you, even breathing seems hard these days. Must be the people, must be this place, must be the rut, must be the bleak future, must be the ''falta amor''. 

So before I fall back into my bed and my lavender smelling NASA sheets (I told you I'm a geek. Each time my family tells me that I need grown up sheets I get more creative it seems) which I like because of a comment ''come to bed baby, let me show you the stars'' and he really did btw. Hah. Here's a review of a book I just finished reading and a bonus photo so you can admire my Queen socks by ''Happy Socks''. Here's the thing. I hate boring socks, nothing cooler than having colorful, pretty socks. Also these, despite expensive are so cool, I mean having Freddie Mercury peak out from your Doc Martens is one thing but they are really soft and the colors are so vibrant. 

( Emery Lord / When we collided / Contemporary, young adult, mental health, romance /)

The book. It's aparently another ''childrens'' or ''youth'' novels. I tend to read a lot of those lately. Maybe I can't even focus on something heavier or more complicated. I have a stack of new books to read and too little time, books like a book on GN'R that I got in Rome, and a new one about Prince and Elton John. 

There's a line in this book ''Even the constellations can see us now: we are seventeen and shattered and still dancing. We have messy, throbbing hearts and we are stronger than anyone could ever know.'' I think that's beautiful. 

People say ''never judge a book by it's cover'' and I never do, but I sometimes choose a book by it's cover. It it's something that appeals to me, something I like. There's a higher chance I'll read it without really caring what's it about. A lot of pleasant surprises happened this way. I've read so many good books because I picked them up after liking the cover. I really like the cover of this book, simple, white with paint splatters. It's like, it makes sense, colliding with something makes a mess right? And the second thing is that after you finish the book you actually see it makes perfect sense in so many ways. 

Generally this is a book about things we all and I especially can relate to. It's about love and loss. Finding yourself and your purpose, your way, helping others with little things, sometimes even just comfortable silence, or just being there for someone makes a huge difference. It's about mental disorders, it's about grief. Listen, it's no Hemingway but in it's simplicity I think it's a wonderful book.

I'm not the biggest fan of two perspectives that switch each chapter. I prefer one point of view but I suppose given how different the main two characters are it fits. Sometimes you need a little different perspective no? It's switching between a 16 year old Vivi (who btw gives me all kinds of Phoebe from Friends vibes) who is a complete tornado of mostly happiness, excitment, adventure. And Jonah who is 17 and quiet and serious.

The book is based around a summer romance type thing. And though there's a lot of critisism about main characters I believe that Vivi is actually a great character, with a lot of depth. I don't know maybe I can understand her better and some people (lucky people) don't. Story begins with Vivi and her mother moving to a friends house for the summer in a small town in California called ''Verona Cove''. Aparently Vivi falls in love with the small town charm. I don't know if this town exists but I know a little bit about small town charm. I used to have it too. These days, the town remained but the charm is gone. There is something about small towns, small towns like the ones in country songs. With nice people, nice neighbors. Neighbors you can drink coffee with on Saturday mornings and pet their cats instead of argue about lawsuits over events that happened twenty years ago. Don't ask. Long story but no wonder I'm going crazy in this place. 

There's a plot twist to Vivi's character, she was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder and refuses to take the medication because it makes her feel like a zombie so instead she's throwing the meds in the ocean. I guess the zombie part we can relate to at some point no? Being so detached, due to medication or something else, to just shut down. And it sucks because just like Vivi I imagine everyone would want to feel alive, to love everything so much to want to experience it. To actually enjoy the little things. 

Jonah on the other hand is different. Detached in a different way, riddled by worries and grief after losing his dad. Funny how I can realate to that. When it's not just grief, pain, loss that eats at you, when it's debt, financial issues, broken family…everything hits full force. So there's Jonah taking care of his family along with two older siblings who take turns in trying to make life go on and taking care of three younger kids. One of them six year old Leah is also to ''blame'' that him and Vivi met. It's cute how Vivi is right away smitten with Jonah's good looks and entire demeanor, while Leah falls in love with Vivi's crazy and fun personality and asks her to come for dinner, which her brother worrying about his loud, bickering, hard to take in family isn't too happy about. 

Vivi manages to charm the entire family except the oldest sister who needs a bit longer to come around. Despite the fact that some of Vivi's behavior is just downright erratic, due to her condition, she's fun, she has some good ideas and some bad (don't we all) and most of her crazy plans, from slip and sliding down their backyard to midnight naked swimming to actually helping to save the family restaurant, her crazy vibrant personality is what brings the family out of this depressive episode they lived in before she came along. A lof of things happen between the pages but I won't be writing them all down, ruins the book I think. Lets just say that a severe episode of her illness brings Viv back from the clouds and she begins to understand that proper medcation will allow her to live a full life. Maybe not the life she dreamed of but a good life anyways. Let's be serious anyways who gets to live the life they dreamed of? 

Generally this is a powerful and moving novel about two people that couldn't be more different. That couldn't experience life, love everything else along those lines more differently and most importantly, a novel that shows us that indeed you can fall in love even when you are falling apart. 

Emery Lord has this easy, light, fun way of writing that you can enjoy and I just love her lines. Some of them are absolutely brilliant like this one;

''I keep wondering if it'll ever hurt less. This…this hole in our lives.''

''Oh, I imagine it'll hurt less eventually. I think there will always be a hole, though. But lace is one of the most beautiful fabrics, you know. All those holes and gaps, but it's still complete somehow – still lovely.''

Beautiful. 

I didn't particulary enjoy the ending but just because I'd do it different doesn't mean it's a bad ending. You know me anything but ''happily ever after''? Eh best don't bother. Hah. All in all I enjoyed this book quite a lot and would recomend it if you're looking for some light reading. 

Now excuse me. Really going to fall back to my NASA sheets though alone, and hope for some rest, these days I am in a zombie state as well. Tired doesn't begin to cover it. Have a great week. Guess I'll see you on Friday with some weekend music recomendations. I hope. 

Everytime I see your face, everytime you look my way it's like it all falls into place, everything feels right.

Sometimes I really don't know, is the world around me going crazy or am I going crazy. Has it always been that way and I just never noticed? Is this how life is for everyone, just this fucking hard? Except well, the few fortunate ones…is this all there is to it? I don't know, seems like this global crisis made a lot of things clear and a lot of things worse. Maybe despite everything I've been living in my own ''safe zone'' , not really ''safe'' but, seeing only the things I want to see, and now when I realised people are not what I thought, things are not what I thought…it feels like the world around me is crashing down once again. 

Sometimes I find myself thinking ''fuck things are just getting worse''. And they really are. Life is just overwhelmingly difficult sometimes. And it's ridiculous how daydreaming ends up being so mundane. I mean you'd dream about I don't know, a Maybach in front of your house, a date with your favourite star, eating too much pizza and never getting fat, you know what I mean? And here I am, finding myself dreaming of the most mundane things, a tiny place of my own to get away from everyone and everything. A person that loves me for me and has no hidden agenda or plays dumb games. Just love, no pain. Financial security, that allows you to live not just survive. A family…the kind who doesn't yell at you about dirty dishes when all you're thinking about is jumping off the tallest building in town…guess the times we live in…these dreams will actually remain dreams. Life is fucked up guys. 

I guess in moments like these, there's little things making it better, easier, less painful. And the one thing that is, the one this post will be about…well even that lately has been tainted…

This is a quick book review. I don't want let myself think about all the bad things surrounding the band lately. To me they will remain my favourite band. The one I grew up with. The one that helped me through so much, heartbreaks, family arguments, people leaving, friends leaving, loss, teenage angst…going back to my private blog, there is so much about them. About just that I mentioned above, about their shows I've been to, about new songs, new videos, about how they made me feel.

There's a post from october 2015, about a video that came out just around that time. It's been a rough week, or a month, or several months, a time that made me think just why the fuck do I bother even trying, when everything I do always goes wrong (question remains, and so do hard times) and just how that little notification of a new video made me snap into full fangirl mode and made life a little easier just for a little bit. It was like, the world melted away for 4 little minutes and everything felt okay.

There's a post, from August 2014. God what a day that was. Awful. Horrible. And if I quote it ''I should probably thank my favourite band for keeping me sane once again, since the world seems to be spiraling out of control they keep my feet on solid ground. The only people in my life that nevevr hurt me and probably never will, I know I sound crazy but I guess…I don't know, in an unhappy world I found my happiness in them.''.

There's a post from July 2013. Just pictures. From some meet and greet. With fans. Cute interactions. Think my heart exploded into a puddle of rainbows and unicorns watching those pics. Always wishing I'd be in the shoes of those fans…never happened. Doesn't seem like it will either, but hell, just my luck. 

There's a post from June 2013, Saturday the 8th, a day after their show in Austria. It was my second time seeing them…and the post is hardly a concert review it's more…jumbled words, freaking out, hysterics,…I possibly wrote those posts shedding happy tears, much different than todays post…all the tears today are sad ones. It was a very good day, June 7th. I was nervous. I was completely freaking out. Daydreaming about that meet and greet…yeah if I wasn't worried about passing out right in front of them, like in some god awful cheap movie. I still remember that first moment when the venue goes dark, screaming starts, first note of ''Shut up'' hits and the world disappears. Everything is right. Everything is okay. God I miss this so much. You know how fan girls always have that screeching ''I swear he's looking right at me'' thing? Well at this show, it really happened. I'm not a crazy fangirl it did. One of them locked eyes with me and we stared at eachother smiling for good ten seconds, it got to a point where other fans turned and looked at me. It was a moment. A moment I aint never gonna forget. I remember I wrote that nothing really will top this moment, or this show in the original blog post. And yeah, I've seen so many concerts after, but I guess in a way none of them did top that one. Sure Springsteen, or The Stones, but that can't be compared, of course they're better musicians, but they mean something else to me, they matter on a different level. I lost my voice the next morning due to crying and screaming. Family proclaimed me insane. Not the first or last time to be honest.  The blog post ends with ''I know you can't understand these hysteric ramblings, it's a kinda love you have to feel to understand. My boys, my saviours.''. I still feel that way even if these days…it just hurts. 

There's a post from March 2013, describing in vivid detail a dream I had involving them. It was cut short by being abruptly woken up by my family. It's been 7 years and I am still mad because of it. Because I never found out how things ended. Where the dream led to. What could have happened. It was only just a dream…but still. It was kinda perfect. 

There's a post from Avgust 29th. Confessions how one of them was my first ever crush. True story. I've been ''in love'' with him since I was 11 years old. Which is funny when you think of it, I don't have friends, boyfriends, family even staying in my life as long as this band did. It's a little rant about how music changes lives, changes a part of you, makes you feel, makes you experience life and emotions in a way you didn't know possible. This band made a difference to me, made me appreciate things I never knew matter before, made me love stronger, made me regret less. They made me feel like I'm not all alone in the world. The lyrics, they were lyrics that described some of the emotions I felt better than I could, and that, that meant so much. There's words in this post about how grateful I am for everything they did and keep on doing for me. How grateful and happy I was to have something like them to fall back on to. 

There's a post from May 2012 describing a fun family moment. I got home, soaking wet from rain, shedding clothes as I went through the hallway hearing my mother asking if it's me in the house. I remember replying ''no mother it's OJ Simpson'', and walking through the kitchen to get upstairs. It was one of those moments, parents have company over and you find yourself half naked in front of them because nobody informed you. She told me ''I hope you were outside in a little more clothes than that'', while I stand there in front of her friends in zebra printed underwear muttering it's ''David's favourite'' one of her friends asked who David is, she said ''David is Nikki's imaginary husband''. I swear my mother…I know I told her that she has a twisted version of the truth, and that he's not imaginary but just a great husband who doesn't expose me to the paparazzi and the fans. I just loved to drive my mother crazy, she'd be like ''remember that whole ''being normal'' thing we talked about? This would be a damn good time to start using it''. I still think she's delusional if she thinks I will EVER be normal.

There's a post from May 15th 2012 with just one line ''David falls in love easy''. I remember reading that and my heart stopping. Hah. crazy fan girl. There's several ''appreciation'' posts after that one too, just their pictures…

There's about 100 more of these posts, pictures, memories, concerts, song releases, ''love letters''…

But today I don't know where I stand. I don't know how to feel. Nothing really changes, I love them, so much, they mean the world to me, still. But something changed. Everything changed. Life caught up with all of us. And more than the present I fear the future because as dramatic as it may sound. I really don't want to live in a world where they don't exist as a band. 

As everything in my life getting this book was a nightmare. I ordered it and it got lost, I never got it. And then it was sold out, or they didn't have it in stock, or this or that. There was always something. My ex boyfriend ended up getting it for me through a friend. I'll be forever grateful to them for that. 

I think the first idea of a book was actually a photobook and it was as early as 2005. They had two albums at that point and what I imagine hundreds of pictures documenting their career. I guess every band does. Would be amazing huh, digging through some such archives. Possibly of bands such as GN'R and Stones and all the other rock legends I love so much.

This ''photobook'' took forever. All through the years fans were asking, reporters were asking and it was always in the works, being made, etc. Then early in 2012 they announced it's not going to be a photobook but a real proper book with over 300 pages (it has 304), released in English and in French. What started as a photobook ended up being so much more. A book with the complete written history of the band, written by Kathleen Lavoie, memorabilia, letters from the fans, backstage passes, different merch, gear etc, things that the band kept and used over the ten years of their career. 

I read it several times since getting it. Actually read it. Flipped through it admiring the pictures many more times as well. I guess if it's not already obvious from above, I really love this band and I obviously loved every page of this book, start to finish. I made me fall in love with them and their music even more, there were some things in the book that even I didn't know if that's at all possible. It's a really well written story, flows nicely, the pictures are just too beautiful and so many of them were pictures I never saw anywhere before that. The book is honest, it tells the good and the bad. The struggles in the begining and I like that. Honesty. 

It's been rough when David left for the first time due to depression. I think I was more scared of him hurting himself than I was of…anything really…and it's really hard now, with whatever the fuck this is that's been happening…I guess, all I really wish at this point is that the book gets a part two in another 13 years and this right now? This is just a bad chapter. A bad moment in time. But a moment. A moment that will pass and happiness and better times will follow. Because fuck. This is the last bit of happiness left in my life and I can't imagine it being taken away as well. 

Can you tell me where we're headin'? Lincoln County Road or Armageddon?

I start each post these days with ''life is hard'' or something along those lines. And god it fucking is. The last three years, my god they were hell. Just about everything that could go wrong did go wrong. And to be honest that stone just keeps on rolling downhill with no intent of stopping. At this point, I honestly have yet to figure out what could possibly happen to make this year, the last couple of years worse than they are. Literally fucking nothing. And don't start with that whole ''you could be dead'' crap on me because honest to god that would be a vacation.

I've been keeping a good distance from these sexual harrasment accusations that just about every band I ever listened to was accused of. I guess I snapped this morning when it happened to a band I loved most since early teens. Don't get me wrong. I do not support any kind of harrasment, or abuse, or victim blaming or anything of the sort. But what I also don't support is literally shredding a person till their guilt is proven. Have we learned nothing from Johnny Depps case? Isn't everyone innocent until proven guilty? I've been on the other end, I've watched it happen to a friend of mine, life ruined over lies. And even though his innocence was proven on court, it cleared nothing, once his name was dragged through mudd it was never clear again.

On the other end I'm having a hard time coping with this over the posibility of it being true. I can't say ''it's been a good life'' I can only say, I managed somehow and while trying to manage, my bands were there for me, the light, the happiness, the comfort, the only thing keeping me sane. And I can't for the life of me process that that safety net, that soothing feeling, that one safe place, could be anything but that safety and comfort. I just can't. Don't get it wrong, please, if these people did anything, they should be punished, obviously, all I'm saying is, it's hard for me the process the posibilities of it being true, nevermind the actual truth. Breaks my heart in pieces. If there's a heart left in the first place. As I've said. It's been a tough life.

So while I sit here and wallow in self pitty and depression and possibly sickness over everything that's been happening, here's a short review of a song for a change, not an album. I've been having this and maybe about 5 other songs on reply for hours. Soothing songs. Songs that make you feel better. Like Bon Jovi's ''These days''. Always soothing to know you're not the only one having ''those days''.

This is a song, written by Bob Dylan and it appears on 1978 album titled ''Street legal''. It's originally called ''Señor (Tales of Yankee Power)'' on stage, Dylan introduced this song as ''this song is inspired by a man named Harry Dean Stanton. Some of you may know him.''. Or said ''this is a new song written about six months ago on a trip through the southern part of the…northern part of the States. Anyway it's entitled Tales of Yankee power''. Y'all know who Harry Dean is right? Him and Dylan got close on set of Pat Garrett & Billy The Kid, and did in fact take a road trip which was almost 1600 miles so…y'all know being in a car for that long with someone. Hell. Kill me.

There's a very poetic way in which Dylan paints his lyrics. The way he expressed feeling displaced. Lord knows I feel the same. Wrong place, wrong time, all the time. There is no denying that this song already starts up powerful, raw, suggestive, strong with lyrics such as ''Señor, señor, do you know where we’re headin’? Lincoln County Road or Armageddon?''. Amazing opening right there. While it actually refers to Billy The Kid who established his name in the ''Lincoln County war''. But I guess it's a metaphor of a sort, see Lincoln County road is a good thing, Armageddon is a bad thing. At the end of it all we realise that both of it is bad and we just live in an illusion of doing the right thing, going the right way, but all we're doing is chosing which electric socket to stick our fingers in to make it hurt less. It's like Armageddon is the worst situation and the Lincoln County is the bad one, so either way you go about it, you're still fucked. Cute fun fact the famous Area 51 is actually located in Lincoln County.

I don't actually own ''Street legal'', sadly I don't really own more than two of Dylans records I think, but I've listened to this album online. And this song is quite different than the rest of the album. You can also hear a really wide arrangement of different instruments in this song, percussion, keys, mandolin, bongos, some bells even. Dylan as a musician is a whole different league than anything else. Musically and lyrically he differs from most artists on the scene. To me closest to his story telling lyrics is Springsteen and even they are nothing alike. Reviews for this song talked about Dylan converting into a burning Christian, because well, ''Senor'' you know is the man upstairs. Also I suppose there are other references in here, Armageddon, ''cross around her neck'', pretty sure Jesus is also mentioned, though, I mean this song is no exception to the rule, there's been Biblical, Christianity related references in so many of his songs, and so what?

There's a lot of Kafka references as well. God I can't stand him. I don't think I suffered through any book as much as I did through ''The Metamorphosis''. Oh my god. Someone explain to me what's the point. The guy just turns into a fucking roach. No point. No superhero. No nothing. He's just full on bug over night. I mean, clearly I'm missing some higher meaning and purpose which in songs it's so easy for me to spot but this…this is a bit much. I mean okay, he's fucked up mentally so he's fucked up physically too? Idk. Just strange. The roach is a metaphore I get it but come on. This crap is fully unreadable. Anyways back to the point, there's a reference in this song ''The last thing I remember before I stripped and kneeled'', which as you will know is from Kafka's ''The trial'' where Josef the protagonist of the story had to undress and get on his knees. Lord help me the entire time writing this all I'm thinking about are bad things. Strip and kneel in my book means something completely different not execution. But also if you look at the line ''Son this is not a dream no more, it's the real thing''. Literally describing Kafka aint it? All his writings are something that could be percieved as dreams but are really real things. Roaches included. No doubt here Dylans mind is just brilliant.

Now as every other brilliant song this one has many covers as well. And ironically it's one of the covers that made me fall in love with the song not the original at all. Dylan is complex and for a more demanding audience if you ask me. Just like U2 are. I love them, but I don't love them pass Joshua tree if you know what I mean. I heard the song in the TV show ''Mayans MC'' first. Clearly I have an obsession with that, all you gotta do is look at my art profile and see what's up. I get it. People keep asking me if there's a reason I draw bikers all the time, or a reason to love biker tv shows and such. Yeah. There sure is a reason. They remind me of home and family. But that's not the point, point is that Mayans MC is a brilliant show, with amazing cast and well worth your time.

This cover is recorded by Steve Earle & Los Refugios Tiernos and the voice in which it's delievered is just bone chilling, not just icicles and raspy and perfect but the whole fucking glacier. It's amazing. It's sung with emotion, with some sort of precission. Simply perfection. Which is another thing that makes this show that good. The soundtrack. There's nothing random, there's no filler song. All songs serve a purpose, set a certain mood and fit into the story perfectly.

So, give it a listen, I'm sure you'll enjoy it as much as I do. Lyrics and song below…

Señor, señor
Can you tell me where we're headin'?
Lincoln County Road or Armageddon?
Seems like I been down this way before
Is there any truth in that, señor?

Señor, señor
Do you know where she is hidin'?
How long are we gonna be ridin'?
How long must I keep my eyes glued to the door?
Will there be any comfort there, señor?

There's a wicked wind still blowin' on that upper deck
There's an iron cross still hanging down from around her neck
There's a marchin' band still playin' in that vacant lot
Where she held me in her arms one time and said, "Forget me not"

Señor, señor
I can see that painted wagon
Smell the tail of the dragon
Can't stand the suspense anymore
Can you tell me who to contact here, señor?

Well, the last thing I remember before I stripped and kneeled
Was that trainload of fools bogged down in a magnetic field
A gypsy with a broken flag and a flashing ring
He said, "Son, this ain't a dream no more, it's the real thing"

Señor, señor
You know their hearts is as hard as leather
Well, give me a minute, let me get it together
Just gotta pick myself up off the floor
I'm ready when you are, señor

Señor, señor...

You're my red white blue jean American dream.

I started this post a little differently originally, but deleted it and started over. Sadly you'll never know what the original begining had, sometimes I get carried away, write about things that should remain private, locked in a silly diary with a lock. I had one of those when I was in middle school. Got ruined because my family doesn't respect boundaries and they decided to read what I was writing. I don't know if there's anything that could scream private more than a diary. Ironically now, when I write a public blog none of them reads it. The fuck? 

Either way, it's the 4th of July tomorrow. No, I don't care about American Independence day (y'all seen what happens if you type 4th of july into google?), what I care about is the fact that I was supposed to be in Bologna, Italy tomorrow at Sonic Park Fest. Ticking off one of my biggest dreams of the list. Seeing My Chemical Romance live. Something I dreamed about since 2005. Then they broke my heart by breaking up, now they're back together and I feel like the man upstairs saw me almost happy and decided to intervene with this fucking pandemic. Y'all music lovers feel my pain right? I swear no concerts feels like my therapist has died. Yes I'm aware that dates have been postponed to next year, but believe me that doesn't do much for me right now.

But instead of moping and crying into my FIFTH cup of coffee today, I'll write a quick review of an album that came out last Friday. Still hot from the press. It was a surprise in the mail for me, I didn't know it's coming, and a signed copy non the less. Literally full on sobbing. Y'all know how much I love this man…

I know bad pictures. It's mission impossible to take good pictures of a CD without the reflection, but you get the point. Also ALSO y'all should see the gorgeous smiley photo inside the booklet, but for that I'd have to take it out and smear his fingerprints that are most likely on it. Don't argue with the crazy fangirl right now. Hah. But really, gorgeous smile. 

Alright, here's the deal, y'all know I'm a metal / rock child all the way. But also a total country girl and I enjoy this type of music so much. Don't be fooled though, not all artists. This one just happens to be my favourite. Well top five favourite. Not just his voice and music but also his kind nature. All in all a good man, great artist, amazing voice, beautiful lyrics, what more do you want? 

OH MY GOD, can I just say I'm in love with this album? It's so perfect. Perfect, perfect, perfect. And I think he just may be the reason I finally go to the UK. Yes, yes I hear myself guys I do, but UK is the closest (as if it's close lol) that he tours to me. I mean everything is cancelled right now obviously (we should cancel life too ugh) but when things settle…it seems like a completely logical, rational decision and I can just see my family tearing my head off if I tell them I'm going to UK for a concert. Lol. Dad would understand I'm sure, but he'd tell me he's embarrassed that I'd go that far for anything that's not Rolling Stones. Well shit. 

So the album has 13 songs all together and the first single came out in August titled ''She's mine'' and honestly you guys it was love at first play. Y'all seen the video? If not the link is HERE, go check it out. I'm so in love, it's simple, it's cute, it's fun and most importantly the song is so catchy and I just love it. Scared to check iTunes how many times was it played. Too many probably. Lol. 

So the album opens with a song called ''Janie Blu''. Oh my god what a song! Like, his voice, all icicle and cotton candy, sand paper and cotton, leather and lace. You know what I mean? It's raspy, it's gritty, it's powerful and yet it's soft and it's gentle and it gives you the idea of his entire range and how he sounds live. Well how I imagine he sounds live, wasn't lucky enough to see if I'm right yet. But obviously I am. I just know. I have this hunch that Kip is a much better artist live than on the album. Sure album sounds amazing but all those growls, and grooves and things that make someone's voice special sorta get lost on a recording. There is nothing like listening to your favourite artists live as is, but sometimes things get lost in translation. 

Second song is called ''Southpaw'' total outlaw anthem. Something I'd imagine myself whistling while running from the law. Yes, it wouldn't be the first time and if the last time it was Pitbull and Sheltons ''Get ready'' then Southpaw might be more on point. Guys! Imagine this song live! It's a Bon Jovi type stadium anthem. Well, better, since Jon's preforming standards these days are rather low.  The song ''Southpaw'' feels like it's about that kinda life, you know, the outlaw life, there's a line ''wanted by the law and every woman''. But that's not what the song is about at all. He recently in an interview explained that this song talks more about his disgust with modernity than his desire to be a bad boy. He told the ''American Songwriter'';

''I get a little frustrated with the way I see society shaping up and the way everything’s become a little vanity-ridden. Social media to me has gotten out of hand. At times I just feel like I was born at the wrong time and I feel kind of isolated in those thoughts. And then it makes me feel like maybe I’m crusty and jaded. I’m not sure. I’m still trying to process the way I feel sometimes about the way I see everything going.'' (full interview HERE) 

Can I just say I completely agree? I feel the same way about society, about social media, about these standards and ''normality'' being forced upon us and definatelly about being born in the wrong time and being isolated with my own thoughts. Not so much thoughts maybe as I am in this place. People are different than I am, and their ''normal'' isn't my ''normal''. It's rough. I get you Kip. 

This album is a bit different because sure these are in a way love songs but not the whole rot your teeth sweet, like Bon Jovi will (please for the love of everything holy write something political Jon) but honest. They aren't looking trough heart shapped glasses but real songs, rugged. Love isn't always pretty and it's not always happy. The people in his songs are real people, flawed people. People who are trying to fit in in a place they don't feel they belong. People trying to find their place under the sun.  He says that he's a private person and that the only real open and honest are his songs, which I think what the last song ''Payin' hard'' is about. Personal. Raw. Honest. 

Don't you just love how country music can make you love the little things? The dirt roads, barefoot walking on the grass, the small towns, country life, skinny dipping in the lake, the sound a truck makes driving over the railroads, Friday nights, bonfires, something to sip on and not a care in the world, tailgate down watching the stars, no hurry, nothing but time to spend. Easy times, easy life. Gotta love that vibe. I miss it everyday. Living in the city. It aint easy. It's not a big city, but it's far from the free, open, country life I had when I was younger. 

Right back to the album. It goes on with ''Fire and flame''. Another one to sing along to on a stadium. I wish. I love the line in this song ''When I was desperate and I lost my faith, I found an angel is a broken place''. And I love the voice he sings this in, that perfect raspy voice that literally gives me shivers and goosebumps all over my body.

The story goes on with the album title song ''Wild world''. Another nice one although with maybe a bit over used phrases. ''Mama said'' and ''life is short, some days are long''. Nothing wrong with that though and I love how he simply but straightforward makes a point with ''be proud of the blue around your collar''. 

Next song is ''Red white blue jean American dream'' and oh my god I am obsessed. This is probably my new favourite song, which is super ironic because it's the only song on the album not written by Kip Moore. Lol. It was written by Jimi Beil, Barton Davies, Phillip Lammonds and Luke Dick, listing them here to thank them because I do love the song so much, and also for my family, if they ever venture here to know who to ''thank'' for being tortured with this song on reply. I love it so much did I say? Starts with a ''Well it's a great big world, with a lot of little things to see, so what you say, girl, do you wanna see 'em all with me?'' uh, yes! You don't even need to ask, anyday, anytime. On a serious note this is a fast pace, fun song, easy to listen, easy to sing along, easy to play real loud in a pickup while driving around with no destination. And I just love the chorus ''Well, Dylan went to New York, Cash went to Nashville, Mark Twain floated on the Mississippi queen. Daddy planted roots in Dixon county, mama's mama never left the front porch swing. We can climb the Eiffel tower in Paris Texas, Rock rock city in Tennessee, rollin' down the road, you and me just chasin' that red white blue jean American dream''. Perfection right there. 

Next song, ''She's mine'' just seriously go watch the video. And that smile. Ugh the cutness is killing me. If you love Tom Petty and Heartbreakers (and I do obviously) then go listen to this song, you'll love it. Did I say my friend and I added a line to that song and filmed a ridiculous remake of the video, in which I may have danced in booty shorts on the hood of his ancient Mercedes? Good times. Shoulda been a pickup though, I keep telling him that. I aint a Merc girl, I'm a pickup, redneck hick all the way. 

''Hey old lover'' that's about a booty call right? I mean ''hey old lover, won't you come on over? Heard you're in between boyfriends from your mother, I always thoguht we'd end up together'' okay maybe not just a booty call but more of a…I don't know a potential for a happy end. You know? When you're dating someone and things are perfect and then they don't work out but maybe years later you find eachother again, and try again and everything is perfect? I know I know…when did that ever happen? Well it did for Brantley Gilbert, but how many Brantley's are there? I guess it's rare, but isn't that exactly what makes it that much more special? 

After old lovers there's ''Grow on you'' and if that's not the cutest song than I don't know what is. Okay it's a bit cocky not going to lie but oh my god so cute! The ''Like ivy up a hickory, down in muddy Mississippi, I'm puttin' down roots and I'ma gonna grow on you'', for the love of everything holy stop promising and just do it already, I'm still waiting. Lol. I guess he declared his love and his dedication to make things work to a girl who's not yet sold on him in this song. Or say not completely convinced yet (crazy or…?). Guitar parts in this one are just fun, the whole song is fun, edgy, more rock n roll vibe. It's just a cool song. 

Then you got ''More than enough'' which is the perfect example of that leather and lace, icicle and cotton candy thing that I described ealier. It demands your attention from the first note because it's different. It's so soft, delicate, tender, soothing. It's the type of love song that any girl would want to hear. Someone pouring their heart out to them, promising forever, in better or worse, sickness and health, rich or poor, all those things people promise each other on their wedding day but forget about in a years time. Under the cold facade and the (as my friends love to say) serial killer glare I'm actually all gooey for romance and love songs (sorry but classic rockers going for love ballads? That shit makes a bitch hot under her collar).  This song though ''If Uncle Sam goes and steals my money, I'm good with a spoonful of your sweet honey, and I'll be sittin' pretty and rich on love, love, love. If the rain won't stop and the sun don't shine, hit a tough spot, baby, we'll be fine, you in my arms is all I need, just a little bit of your love is more than enough for me''. Perfect isn't it? And isn't that what we all want? I don't need a big house, expensive cars, things that society makes us think we need, I just need that. My person. That one person who's there through good and bad and who's demons play well with mine. Don't get me wrong material things like a Harley outside are nice, but in the end of the day, nothing will make you as happy as wrapping your arms around someone you love and someone that loves you and makes you feel like home. Home is not a place after all, home is a person. Family, partner, children, people that love you, they make up a home not four walls. 

''Sweet Virginia'' is another fun track. I wasn't sure when looking at the title does he mean a woman or the state. Lol kinda like that Nelly thing ''Hey lil' Porsha''. If that's about a car then I'm a pitbull. Hah. This is a cool song with this energetic, funky guitar rhytm which is just in perfect harmony with his sweet voice. 

Next song is ''South'' which you know is more relatable. I live in the south of my part of the world. Well just on the begining of the southern part but still. People tend to behave more southern than most. In a bad way. Like the ones the meme's are about you know? This song had quite a few co-writers and just confirmes what he said in the interview I mentioned earlier. That he was born in the wrong era (me too carino me too) because it has this cool 80's vibe. Listening to it I could easily imagine it's a much older song than it is. And it has that heartbreak, pining, endless love feel to it that 80's love songs have ''my love will still be hangin' around, when the birds fly south''. The end of the summer illusion too which brings us back to his album ''Slowheart'' and the song ''Sunburn''. A lot of country songs sing about the end of summer really. I feel that on a deep personal level, to me too it feels almost like life is ending when the summer is over. I hate rain, I hate cold, god forbid snow. And lets not even get into the gray, murky, depressed weather. 

Next before last is ''Crazy for you tonight'', which gets me like, fuck tonight, I'm crazy for you always. Hah, seriously, ignore the crazy fangirl, hopped up on caffeine and broken dreams of tomorrows cancelled concert and the fact that I'm writing a Kip Moore album review while Backstreet Boys play on the loop in the back. Don't judge, we all have our guilty pleasures and I can't focus with new music playing, I get too distracted listening to it, I forget to write. Which, as you see is a problem, I can barely keep on track while writing these. I keep getting carried away. I love ''Crazy for you tonight'' because I feel like it's a song I can relate to. I'm a little crazy too, people call me dangerous all the time, in a world of squares I am definatelly a circle that doesn't fit in so yes, I feel this song. The whole point of the song, being in love and ready to ignore all the doubters and haters, I get that too. I've been there, in love with someone for who the entire world told me is not right for me or I for him but fuck it, we were happy despite it all.  ''you may think I'm a littly crazy, but I'm only crazy for you tonight''. Always. 

Last song just might be the most important song. It's titled ''Payin' hard'' and like I said above that one most personal, most emotional, most honest song. Y'all heard ''Guitar man'' right? This is that same vibe. The song is the shortest one on the album, with just 2:48, while others (except Hey old lover) are all around 3 or 4 min. But we get it, shorter to get over it quicker. The song reflects his feelings, his doubts, fears if maybe he did some things he shouldn't have done. There are verses in it about lost love, his late father and the future. The future one is maybe a bit scary to be honest. But I love how he does a full circle and Janie is mentioned in this song again. It's poetic, starting the album with Janie and ending it. She's a real person too I hear. Not just an idea. His dad Stanley died in 2011 but I think this song is the first song where he let his emotions flow more obvious. I don't think he dealt with his pain in any other song. ''And now he's gone, the kind of gone that don't come back. I only see him now in dreams that I have, I gotta live with that, lose sleep with that, when I close my eyes I'll die with that''. Another one that hits home. I understand his loss. I've been there and I felt just what he feels. 

The future part though, that one kinda scares me there's a line ''So long my friends, I guess this is my farewell, damn all these pennies swimming in my wishing well, told every single story that I have to tell, I'll live with that, sleep with that, make my peace and I'll die with that''. It's kinda…you know, it rubs you the wrong way, especially if you know that he's the person to not announce a retirement but just disappear. And though it's not on me of course, or any of us fans, I'd be extremely sad in a world without his music. 

Either way, this album is nothing but perfection, don't let the whole ''country artist'' fool you though, Kip is a rocker and nothing but. This is nothing like Johnny Cash or Willie Nelson type country music. This is more a fuse of country and rock which goes more to the rock side than it does country. What stands out to me most is the moments on this album that give us little glimpses of a different Kip. The contrasts I talked about, sweet and edgy. Sugar and spice kinda thing. You know why I love him? Because I love Bruce Springsteen and Kip, and this album especially is a country rock version of Bruce Springsteen. All of it. The lyrics, the music, the vibe. All of it. I've seen him preform live on youtube (please God, make him tour somewhere closer than UK, I am literally begging) and I feel like he stands out from all those country stars just there. As a preformer. He's fun, his production is polished to perfection, musicians are all amazing and his voice just has no competition. 

Maybe the songs are a bit too ''safe'' you know, familiar, like the old songs are, which personally for me is perfect, I love him just as he is, but I wonder what would happen if he'd explore different types or music as well. Or different sounds. Could be interesting. Though lets be honest, a singer that came on the scene singing about beer, girls and pickup trucks (basically every other country star then eh? Lol but still better than twerking and all that gross crap that makes you take birth control just to listen to, yuck) he obviously grew a lot, and really evolved, both musically and especially lyrically. This is not just another modern, country, rock album, it's a Kip Moore album and that's rather obvious in his style and sound, which is unique to him and him alone. 

If you're looking for something different to listen to, something new, something fun and exciting, or you're just curious, give this one a listen, I'm certain you'll love it. Probably not as much as I do (obsessed I swear) but that's probably not possible anyways. 

Alright, let me put the record back on from the start while I get ready. Another Friday, another protest, this time hopefully I can say ''I fought the law and I won'' not ''I fought the law and the law won''.