Ker ti si vse kar jaz imam.

Rad bi bil tvoja senca, ko boš šla, rad bi bil odeja za oba, hočem bit blazina, ko greš spat, rad bi bil fotelj, ko ne moreš stat.

Bil bi oblačilo, ko naga si, najbolj nežna ura, ki te zbudi, ledeni sladoled, ki ga poješ, rad bil bi samo tvoj angel, ko umreš.

Ker ti si vse, vse, kar jaz imam, danes si tu, a jutri si tam, ker ti si vse, vse kar jaz imam.

Bil bi tvoja barva v laseh, na usta ti prilepil bi nasmeh, lahko sem tudi solza, ko jočeš se, bil bi črno vino, da popiješ me.

Jaz sem hladen veter, ko ti vroče je, ko je hladno pulover, da segrejem te, kot tvoja rdeča barva na ustnicah, na tvoji roki ležal bi kot beli prah.

Ker ti si vse, vse, kar jaz imam, danes si tu, a jutri si tam, ker ti si vse, vse kar jaz imam.

DMP - TI SI VSE

Throwback.

I know I suck at this blogging thing lately. So much to do, so many things to attend, I've been too busy or too tired, which I know is a lousy excuse and I promise there will be a review on Monday, already working on that, until then, just suck it up as will I and here's a quick throwback from July 2014.

''Well then my dearest readers, looks like my ''insanity'' went a step over the ''normal'' today. Hah. I've literally spent an hour sobbing in the middle of my bed this morning. Here's the plot twist you were waiting for though. I literally broke under so many happy emotions. It's like a drug. It's like I'm addicted. Haven't felt happy for so long and now. Fuck, it's been too much. I cracked because I ordered tickets to see Of mice and men. It feels sureal, seeing my saviors live. Up on that stage, breathing the same air. I know I sound just as any other obsessed fan but it's not that. Restoring force was like a wake up call to me. It made me get off my ass and go for what I wanted. It's more then just a record and they are more then just a band. I have their framed picture next to my bed so that they are the first thing I see each morning. Austins strenght makes me stronger. He makes me wanna be a better person, he's that voice inside my head that tells me no matter how hard it is you can never give up. And if it wasn't for him and them and that record, I can honestly say I am not sure where I'd be right now. They mean the world to me and just knowing that I'll get to see them makes me cry all over again. But the story gets better. I've grown up with three favorite bands that I've been listening to for 12 almost 13 years now. And that would be Simple plan, Green day and Linkin park. As you know I've seen my babies SP twice already and those were two of the best nights of my life, I've seen Green day too and they were just perfect. But I never got the chance to see LP they were never close enough, now they're comming to Vienna, so after 7 years of waiting I'll finally see them too, and Bryan Adams, which I also waited a good 5 years for. Happiness overload. I feel like my heart is about to jump outta my chest no joke.''

Seems light years away now with Chaz gone and Of mice and men no longer in it's original line up. Sigh. I miss those days, life was...easier. Enjoy your weekend guys, I promise to be back with a proper post on Monday. Stay safe out there.

Dej zavrt čas nazaj.

 

''Vstanite klinci v suženjstvu zakleti in pljunite resnici v oči, nimate kaj zgubit saj lopovi obrali so vas že do kosti. Krediti, računi, faliranci, tajkuni in pizduni, ki pijejo nam kri. In debilni »reality show-i«, ki mečejo nam pesek v oči. Zato zbudite se in vzemite si nazaj, kar ukradel vam je vaški tolovaj.

Jst pa pravim, da ni ga dnarja, ki pravo srečo dal bi mi, ker več ko človk ma dnarja več problemu na grbo hit dobi. Ljubezen ženske, pivo in rokenrol je vse, kar v bistvu rabm jst, ker le tako lahko sem srečen na vse ostalo lohk poščije se še p(e)s. Zato takoj dam vse, kar življenje mi greni, mojo zadnjo plat poljubite lahk vsi.

Hijene, pizde, lopovi, nenasitni, brez vesti, poberite se mi s poti še ta moment. Politik levo, politik desno, nihče nas več ne jemlje resno, v rit si vtaknite še zadnji cent.''

San Di EGO - Zadnji cent

When he walks into the room, my heart goes bang bang boom.

This is going to be one of them ''last friday night'' posts. But nothing as crazy as what you're probably imagining in your heads just now, even if there was one too many shots of Jack Daniels. Or better yet I discovered a whole new love of my life ''Jack and ginger''. It's not that it's good, it's that it's amazing. Here's the deal, local concerts are pretty much as I'd imagine open free bar events. People get so drunk, it's disgusting. I'm no saint. I like alcohol too, I like the slightly buzzed feeling but I don't understand getting so drunk at events that the next morning you don't know where you were, who with, what did you watch or even your own damn name. Or worse, wake up to a coyote ugly situation.

But this post isn't going to turn into yet another story about hating people at local shows or just people in general, which is how every single post about local events starts. Like for fucks sakes at least show the musicians a little respect if you can't show it to yourself.

Alright moving on, the concert last night was a whole new experience for me. I had VIP tickets and that was something else. A different entrance then the rest of the ''mortals'', getting a ''bracelet'' that lets you walk basically everywhere in the venue from the VIP area to the first row at the stage. There's a ''red carpet'' photoshoot going on where they took pictures of you with a couple of really pretty girls. I'm not one to be into such things but I gotta say couple of cameras clicking in front of me while I stood there was pretty much amazing.

Did I mention that the drinks were free sponsored by Jack Daniels, the floors covered in soft plush carpet and the band members were walking by me all night? First time one of them that I really like walked by I was just like ''was that...?'' I hear an ''aha'' as a reply and I was done for, nearly on the ground at his feet. Musicians. Such a weakness for me. Nevermind insanely talented and blonde musicians. Damn it.

Free booze got me in trouble as per usual. I never learn it seems. No I wasn't wasted, nowhere near it, just tipsy and ballsy. Bad. Tangling with someone I like that I shouldn't. Nothing happened, but what happened was enough for me to make my head spin. Then again his smile alone makes my head spin. Either way, as much as I don't approve drinking, I just realized that I needed a night like this, Jack Daniels taking my worries away, my favorite loud music getting me in the right mood making me forget about all the bad shit in my life at the moment. I need a get away sometimes and my mind being the way it is never lets me shut down completly. Jack Daniels helps. I hate to admit it but it does. Which doesn't mean I'd start drinking on a daily basis mind you, once every couple of months at an event to relax and have a great time is just about enough for me.

The concert though, I love my boys, Šank rock, I really do. They don't get half as much credit they'd deserve. I keep saying that and I'll keep on saying it, they are all incredibly talented musicians but the guitar player alone. Jesus christ, the man could choke you while still play the guitar perfectly with one hand. I have this theory that in a guitar battle with Slash they'd be neck to neck. Yes. He is THAT good. Slash good. This was a celebration of their 35 years as a band. I still can't quite wrap my head around that, they as a band are older then I am. Hah. Or the fact that the first time I saw them I slept through their entire set. Fine, I was only a year old but still. I have a long lasting romance going on with this band. Hah. I think they're the only band next to Guns N' Roses that I actually liked as a child and all through the years up to now, when I actually like them even more.

This was in the bands hometown. Everything is different when you listen to the band in their own hometown, the crowd is different. Better somehow, they know all the words, they scream them at the top of their lungs. And I always loved that, it's my favorite moment of any concert, when the singer sings one line and then the crowd picks up the song and they sing as loud as they can. It makes all the hairs on my neck stand up, there were a couple of such moments at the show last friday night. Some of them including my favorite songs, the crowd being really loud and it was amazing. Simply amazing. Honestly nothing makes me feel as good and as alive as that does. It's better then alcohol, it's better then drugs.

There's a song they do, that I never heard live yet and the other night they played it. It was something else. The crowd was really loud on that song, the melody, the lyrics, the voice, all of it, it just fits, it's a moment that makes shivers run up and down my spine, a moment that makes me happy and warm all over. It's about getting lost in a song, in the feeling it gives you, the emotion it makes you feel. You know what they say right, if the music you listen to makes you feel nothing, you're listening to the wrong kind of music.

I was back to kinda freaking out, oh who am I kidding, I was totally losing it. My voice was slightly broken the next morning. But, honestly, what's the point of a concert if you don't sing - scream along to your favorite songs? The problem with this band is though, that ALL of their songs are my favorite. And the problem was that they played all of them too. Not that I'm complaining of course I loved every single second of it.

It's funny that I literally wrote about them few months ago and also about another one of our locals that I also love, Peter Lovšin, remember that? Last night he was with them, came on stage way pass one am, kinda after party wibe and guess what? He still blew the roof off the place even if half of the venue was basically done for at the point *alcohol is a bitch if you don't know how to control yourself* and the rest already left. I was basically the only person in the VIP howling along to each and every song. Well except that one song ''Bandiera Rossa or Avanti Popolo'' that one seems to wake everyone up. Nostalgia or something. I love the song though, because it's provocative and most people can't stand it. You know me, always into what other people hate.

Well I'm adding this gig to my long list of concerts and also to my long long LONG list of seeing these two alone. Whatcha gonna do? True love is true love. And I do love them, maybe actually even more then some of guys you see at the side of my blog *gasps*. Yeah. Shocking but...these are bands and music I grew up with, it's different.

Also, let me point out that all the bands that played before them, Mary Rose, Prelude, Radio Jam and Monsun are great and really talented musicians. Unfortunally I only got to see Mary Rose but I know the rest and they really are good.

What was my point in this post was besides glorifying my favorite boys? That sometimes getting completly lost in the music, or anything you love really, anything that makes you forget your problems, your life, something that really weighs you down, is good. Take a breather sometimes, you deserve it. Let lose, have fun. Scream your heart out at a concert, paint your heart out, dance your heart out, whatever it is that makes you happiest. My thing is music, it's my passion, it's my air that I breathe, it's my happiness and it's the freedom I miss everyday. It's my home and a getaway from home.

Alright then, time to cut off the golden VIP bracelet and get back to the real world. Do I hate it? More then I can tell but that's the way life goes. All good things must end.

While we're at it, since it's finally January 1st...nobody is happier then I am right now, finally the world can go back to normal, no more shopping apocalypses, no more disgustingly mind numbing Christmas / New year movies. No more of that hellish music, ''Last Christmas I gave you my heart''? I will rip yours out if you play the damn song one more time. But Nikki you can't play Metallica on Christmas eve, uh? Like hell I can't. Considering Christ doesn't exist it's hypocritical to think he couldn't have been a metalhead. As if that makes any difference, I'd listen to heavy metal at the opera if I could.

What I wanted to say anyway, was, Happy New Year guys, I wish you all the happiness in the world, all the love in the world, all the kindness and patience and all the success in everything you do. Take a deep breath, you've made it this far, we've all been through some type of hell in our lives, and we got through it and we'll continiue fighting. I believe in all of you, and I'm proud of all of you, for all the things you've accomplished even if they seem like a small thing to you, they may seem impossible to someone else. But still, for all our sakes I hope 2018 treats us better then 2017 did.

And to all my metalheads, rockers, musicians, music lovers, here's a piece of advice from the man himself, Billie Joe Armstrong;

"Dear young rock n rollers. Be brave. Be tough. Spit your anger. Piss people off. Don’t be normal. Don’t be trendy. Be loud. Live out loud. Cuss. Swear. Be offensive. Tell the truth. YOUR truth. Fuck authority. Spray paint the walls with your song titles. Be dirty. Smash glass. Make a statement. Don’t be a wimp. Don’t be a follower. Unhinged. We need more young rebel heroes with loud guitars."

Did I mention that I love him lately? Because I do. Either way guys, have a great time celebrating your New years, whether you're somewhere having a great time or at home having a great time by yourself. Like I am, alone with my record collection and honestly having a better time then I could of being cold and annoyed outside. Hah. Have fun and stay safe.

I'm only gonna make it worse, but I don't know how to lift this curse.

I started this blog two years ago and after everything that happened in those two years it seems so far away. I was a completly different person back then. Not better or worse, just different. Life was different. When I closed down the other blog and opened this one this is what I wrote...

''I decided to keep it simple and write about things I love, things that make me happiest. I decided to share my art, my photography, my love for music, traveling, fast cars, Harley's, books, comics, movies, tv shows, shoes, vinyls, Jack Daniels, animals, the country side and all things strange and unusual that don't fit in the society's starndards of ''beauty'' and ''normality''. I just want this to be a positive space, I had enough negativity in my life and I don't need to make it worse, by writing about it and dwelling on it. This is a happy place. Containing all the things I love most. I hope you'll enjoy it or at least learn to appreciate the effort.''

Boy was I naiive. When was everything as easy? When was life ever easy? In the midst of this hell I was thrown into this December, and believe me despite everything in the past this December had to be in the top 3. I hate December did I mention? Most wonderful time of the year? How about no? Either way in the midst of is all I stopped, took a breath and thought about how petty I am being.

Yes life is awful, and I don't think I can take much more, I'm at my breaking point and I feel like I will snap any second. I never imagined that by trying to do something good for myself I will cause myself so much harm. If I'd knew this from the get go I would never do it.

Point is I am being petty, look at all the shit going on around the world, things that still happen that in a modern world shouldn't be happening, all the violence, all the hate, all the bullshit...it feels ridiculous to complain about the things and situations I find myself in. Yet at the end of the day I bottle up the stress, my fears, concerns, frustrations...and I try to survive the day. One day at a time. You know how it goes ''get up, dress up, show up'' and ''keep calm and carry on''. And I ask myself, when the fuck did I stop living and just started surviving instead?

I wonder...how long can I keep doing this for? How long can I keep putting one foot in front of the other, with a fake fucking smile on my face and all the weight, stress, and bullshit tagging along with me.

And the crazy thing is I don't even remember where all of it comes from, how long has it been dragging me down? It feels like forever. It feels like I am addicted to sadness. It feels like if I'm not sad, I am lost, I don't know what to do with myself.

Can I cut ties to everything dragging me down? No idea. How? What if all of it is tied to who I am and suddenly without all this weight I was nothing. Maybe it all has some point, value if you will. No idea. Does all of it have a point at all? Is the fight even worht the prize? No fucking clue.

Maybe all of this crap is what is giving me the compassion and empathy for others because I know what it's like. To love and lose, to be forgotten, to be mistreated, to be hurt, lost, sad, depressed...maybe that's why I can make a connection with others, maybe our paths cross for a reason, maybe people are set on our paths for a certain reason. To change your life, to make it better, to make it different, to steer you off the path you're walking on because it may not be the best thing for you and even you yourself don't know it.

I'm not looking for an anwser, I know nobody knows, neither do I. We all kinda do life as we go along. There's no manual, we let our fears, morals, love, whatever else guide us....

I had no idea where this post will end up, my mind is disoriented and messy. I have every single negative emotion in me right now and I hate it. Things haven't been this bad in a long time and I hate that even more. I guess this time I am completly lost. Not a little bit, but completly. I don't know what to do, I don't know where to go and I don't know how to move on. You know that line in that song ''Did you ever try so hard that your world just fell apart.''? Yeah that...I try and I try but I think I've reached my limit. I can't do it no more.

Life needs to be sweetened.

Did you ever wake up in the middle of the night because of a dream? A nightmare? Shaking and sweating trying to catch your breath but choking instead? It happens to me more times then I'd like lately. And it's always the same. Same concept I mean. All of the worst things I could imagine happening to me in one giant ''movie production'' playing in my head and it's horrible. Which is why I'm here right now, 3 am Sunday morning, trying to catch my breath...

This is not a good start for the first actual post I did in a while *and I'm sure the post won't be good either*, I know, I'm sorry, life has been absolutely insane. It really has been a couple of crazy weeks. So it's safe to say my mind has been...occupied with other things. Like people around me, is there something wrong with me or literally everyone around me? When did people get so stupid, judgemental, egoistic and self centered? When did they turn so evil, wishing bad upon everyone and everything slightly different then them? I really don't seem to understand. What do you get from so much hate? God knows.

I think it's best I focus on some music instead, gonna be interesting, here I am writing about an album and listening to something completly different and very local on my iPod while doing so. Lets see how this works out.

So this album is also on Rolling Stones 50 greatest hair metal albums of all time. And it really is one of the greatest. I mean not better then Skid Row's debut but pretty damn close. I got my copy at a flea market for like ten bucks. Which was the first and only time I ever found anything good or remotely interesting at our flea markets. Usually it's all trash with a price tag on it. Judging on that I could sell a ton of my old stuff that I threw out instead. Maybe that was my blonde moment.

Timing is everything isn't it? And isn't it funny how some people are just on the right place at the right time? So were Cinderella because guess what? Non other then Jon Bon Jovi is responsible for Cinderella even having their hair metal fairytale *bless you Jon* because he discovered them after catching their set in some Philadelphia club where he was recording his Fahrenheit album at the time. Jon was aparently completly in love with them and made the guy who signed Bon Jovi at Mercury go check them out who aparently said ''great looks, great music, great energy, but the drummer and the guitar player need to go'' or something along those lines. If I understood it correctly they've been listening to that a lot at the time. When they held auditions for that guitar player Snake Sabo auditioned. Can you imagine that? Snake! At the end LaBar got the place, they got the deal and the rest is history...is it ever that easy? I doubt it. Hah.

Can we just talk about the cover for a second though? What's with the pink fog and that huge hair? And the clothes? I mean there is so much more, SO MUCH MORE to this band then the whole glam thing they've got going on. It's giving me this vibe, what would you call it today, ''mainstream''.

Their first big hit was Nobody's fool which really is a great song, to be fair the album is worth getting for that song alone. Though I think what really put this album on the map and gave it a place in music history was when they were invited on tour with Bon Jovi. The Slippery when wet tour that is. Totally made them stars, got them number three on the Billboard chart and the album went triple platinum. Can we just take a moment here, like can I just point out how unfair life is? I really should be 20 years old in the 80's, all the band boys...this is so unfair. Or maybe this is one of those moments when you realize there's a reason behind everything...I'd be a total groupie in those days. Let's move on before this post gets out of control. Hah.

Cinderella's second album, which I actually prefer was just as succssesful and then it all went south with Heartbreak station. I'm still not sure what happened there but jesus it was bad. Their fourth album was pretty much ignored and it may had to do something with this new decade and alternative music starting to grow or the fact that the albums just aren't good. I'm sorry boys, I still love you but I don't love those two albums.

But still all that aside when we talk about my favorite glam, hair metal, hard rock from the 80's without too much thinking Cinderella makes that list. Bon Jovi really knew what's up. Back in the day they played their music the way they wanted to and it was the best thing ever. Glam metal at it's finest. And let's not forget all the emotion in it too.

Night songs their debut came out in 1986 and totally rattled the glam metal scene at the time because it was something new and different. They had that dirty sleazy metal yes but they managed to put raw emotion into their music as well but that is far more obvious on their second album which is also better then this one but let's not go there again. I really do love ''Don't know what you got'' that much yes.

Night songs has ten songs and they're all powerful, great songs, with Tom's growls and all the amazing solo's it really makes it for a bitchin album. The final product? Woah, all I can say is woah. First time I played it I was like ''damn'', such an amazing record. Guitar parts are really something else. And not to mention Tom's charisma, he's got it. That something that most modern singers lack on stage. But he had it. The accent, the growl, everything. You can't mistake his voice, it's so special and emotional. And let's not forget that Jon Bon Jovi actually sings on this album, yup he did some back vocals. I think that would make me love Cinderella even if I didn't. Huge Bon Jovi fan yes.

The opening title track has this wonderful dark prelude before it hits us with those guitars and that classic 80's metal sound which really makes it for an ideal opening. Shake me is a total metal anthem and lets not even begin with Hell on wheels and that guitar solo or drumming in it. You know what they actually remind me of? Like if AC/DC and Def Leppard had a baby, I think Cinderella would be that baby. Ha!

Then you've got Nobody's fool. Power ballads...such an 80's thing, even the toughest bands seemed to do ballads back then. This song though, it's really nice, still one of my favorites, Keifers voice really shines through on it and it has this slow, kinda metalish vibe. And the lyrics too, all in all it's a great song.

Other great songs on it are obviously Nothing for nothing, Somebody save me which has a serious AC/DC vibe with that one riff and of course Back home again which has a guitar solo to die for.

All in all, it's a great album and honestly you need to get pass the cover, listen with your ears not eyes, as I said there's so much more to them then big hair. There is only one singer out there with a voice like Tom Keifer and that is Tom Keifer so seriously give them a chance and play it, I promise you'll love it.

This is as good as it gets this week, and as much as you get, I'm exhausted, my mind won't cooperate properly. Now go listen to some Cinderella kids and party on.

All of these stars will guide us home.

''It's just another night and I'm staring at the moon, I saw a shooting star and thought of you. I sang a lullaby by the waterside and knew if you were here I'd sing to you. You're on the other side as the skyline splits in two, miles away from seeing you.''

''So open your eyes and see the way our horizons meet and all of the lights will lead into the night with me. And I know these scars will bleed but both of our hearts believe all of these stars will guide us home.''