Cry, if you want to cry, if it helps you see, if it clears your eyes.

My god, it's been a long week. I don't even know where to start.

A bomb at a concert in Manchester. A bomb on a concert that mostly kids attend. I can't even begin to express the level of disgust and horror and sickness I feel. I can hardly find words now, to even process or say what I want to say. Music is a safe zone, a get away, a release to so many people. I know what it means to me, it makes me happiest. Concerts make me happy. Music makes me happy. I can't imagine someone taking that away from me. I can't imagine some sicko taking that away from the kids. Nobody should go to a concert and never come home. Concerts are like coming home to so many kids, for that hour or two or three you feel like you're home, like you belong, like you're exactly where you're supposed to be. It's about sharing a bond, with the fans, with the artist. The bond you feel surrounded by strangers that feel like family because you're all there for the exact same reason. The bond you feel with the artist, the goosebumps you feel when that first chord of your favorite song hits and you've never felt more alive. Thing is, no matter how hard it gets, how messed up this world is, we should never let that bond get broken. Nothing should tear it apart, in these dark times we should only make it stronger. Stand together and rise up against it.

I've seen some comments on twitter and I can't even begin to explain how rude, tastless and mean I find them. Nobody cares whos concert it was, I'm personally not a fan of Ariana either but that makes no difference to me, what happened should never happen. What happened is not her fault or her fans fault. Nor should she be blamed based on her music and clothes. This is only one man's fault. A monster. He doesn't even deserve to have his name remembered or mentioned. This is not religion, it's not Islam, it's not Christianity, it's an act of complete barbarism. Taking the lives of innocent children who were out to see their idol. Taking parents from those children...taking kids who had so much to live for, so many dreams, goals, aspirations...these are not actions of a human but a beast.

What happened in Manchester is an absolute tradgedy but people are forgetting or I don't know maybe they are ignorant on purpose...it's not just the UK, it's not just Europe. On the same day there was car bombing in Syria, a bomb in Bangkok, terrorists taking over Marawi where people are still trapped and dying and the world still turns a blind eye to it all. Ignoring it is easier? I guess so. But why are their lives worth less? Is this another white privilege? Children are still children, people are still people and nobody deserves this life. Don't be ignorant.

To ALL the victims and ALL the families affected by any and all of these events all over the world. I am so sorry, my heart is broken just as yours is. I hope time brings you at least a little bit of comfort.

It feels wrong to write about anything else in the same post, but to be honest I don't want another sad post when it feels like sad posts are all I write lately.

By now I believe you all heard about Chris Cornell, the what, how, why...I'm not going to sit here and pretend I was a huge fan of either Soundgarden or Audioslave. I liked some of their music and that was that. But that makes no difference, Chris's death was a huge shock. I admired him, as an artist, he had an amazing voice. And after hearing what really happened. Well that really hit home. I feel like when it's suicide it hits twice as hard. It hurts because these things could have been prevented. No matter the case, no matter the reason, if we were all just a little kinder, nice, willing to help one another, spread love instead of hate...so much of it could be prevented.

But the thing that really bothers me is Chris's mother in law. His wife is handling this so well and so graceful. And then there is her mother, on twitter, attacking Eddie Vedder using words like ''peasant'' and ''gypsy''. I understand grief, lord knows I do, and I understand that anger is often a part of processing that grief but there should be some lines in the sand you shouldn't cross. How Eddie decided to handle his grief is his own problem and if not making a statment is his way of coping that's his business, he's not obligated to say anything. Haven't you heard that line before ''silence speaks volumes''? Turning people against him now, turning the fans against him and the band. That's just completly out of line and disrespectful. Chris wouldn't want any of it. And all that coming from a woman that only used his name to get herself some attention.

Last song he sang on stage was Led Zepp's ''In my time of dying''. ''In my time of dying, I want nobody to mourn. All I want for you to do is take my body home''. To the people that don't seem to understand why people, the fans, mourn an artist...these artists were our shoulder to cry on at some point. They've been our rock, our comfort, our safe haven. They've been our families, our leaders, friends, teachers, role models, heroes. They've been there for us when we felt completly alone, they gave us a hand and picked us up from the ground when things got really rough. They've helped us move on, be stronger, be braver. Artists and musicians inspire us in endless ways and on a daily basis. And most importantly they've been with us through different stages of our lives, maybe we've grew up with them, maybe they were there on our most important days, maybe they were just making us happier in general. We've made so many memories with them, so when they die...a part of us dies too.

Rest In Peace, Chris, you will be missed.

I can't believe that there's one more thing I have to add to this post. And this one really hurts. I learned a while back that I really can't handle someone I love hurting in any kind of way. Then again who can? Who can sit by and watch someone you care about suffering...and suffering in a way that you can't even help them. That is...that is hell. Specially when you can relate, when it's the kinda hell you've once been in so you know just how bad it really is...

Oh baby, my heart was so broken last night when I learned what is going on. I hate, HATE knowing that you're hurting and there is nothing any of us can do to help you. And I think it's very courageous that you told all of us what's happening. You didn't have to but you did, that was very brave. Depression is hell, it can hit everyone and it's so hard to overcome but what really matters is knowing you're not alone. And you're not. Your family, your friends, your fans, we're all here for you, we'll all wait for you to get better because that's the only thing that matters, nothing else but you being alright.

You once helped me when I was at my worst, I wish I could do the same for you now. I love you so much, stay strong, fight this, I know you can. I can't wait to see that big bright smile again, when you're ready that is. I just hope you know that you're so precious to so many people, and so special and so amazing, and so perfect in so many ways. I love you, I love you, I love you, thank you for everything.

Good morning soldier.

Well England...I didn't see that one coming. Does that mean James Bond is going to need a visa now to do missions in Europe? Hah. On a serious note I can't say I think this was a good idea...for anyone, either Europe or England. I feel like Britain tanked Europe let's just look at the stock markets for a second...and older generations of Britains just sealed the deal on the future of the young generations...a future they don't want and will be forced to live in...I'm sorry about that guys. I know what's it like when older generations dictate you how to live. But I suppose time will tell. And what if Scotland and Ireland decide to leave? Then it's basically just ''Kingdom'' no more United Kingdom...Messed up situation to be honest.

So...I wanted summer and now I finally have it. Not the type of summer I'm used of though. I'm used of heat but not humidity. Maybe a little bit but at the moment I feel like I'm in a rain forrest. I hate this. I love summer, I love the heat but I don't love thick air that makes it hard to breathe. But I shouldn't complain to be honest, I've been cold for far too long.

And the GN'R tour started yesterday and if you think I wasn't already sobbing over the youtube videos online this morning you are highly mistaking. Oh my god my excitment is over the roof. I don't know why since Steve and Izz are still missing and there is no sign of an European tour *I know I know patience* but I'm just....freaking out over Ax and Slash. Together. On the same stage. Even smiling at eachother. It's just...perfect. One of my favorite bands back together after so many years. I couldn't be happier. Aparently there was a moment last night during Estranged instead of ''How could you say that I never needed you'' Ax sang ''How could I have said that I never needed you'' while touching Slash's shoulder which trust me is enough to get me in tears. It's not even selfish the thing about this reunion that makes me happiest is the fact that they made up and are friends again. That's the most important thing to me in the end. I only need Steve and Izz and I might as well live in a fairytale too good to be true. Guys. Make it happen. Please. It's not GN'R without them. Not really. Other then that I hear that the concert was amazing. I'm way way WAY too jealous of everyone who was there last night. As I will be of everyone that is yet to see them. Gonna be a long list till the tour ends. Heh.

Not going to rant forever today. Got an event to get ready for. Event with a lot of meat and stupid music. The fuck is wrong with me huh? Bin ich in der falsches film oder was? I probably got lost along the way to be stuck in a place like that. What's gotta be done right? What I will tell you though is how amazing it is when I put all the shit aside and just focus on me, on what I love and let creativity run. I did some drawing and painting and it felt amazing. Shutting off the world letting my vinyls play and just paint. No outside world. It makes my family nervous when I sit still and paint for hours but I'm not bothered. It's something I love doing. Even if my back is killing me after I'm done with a project. I understand tattoo artists so much on days like these. *sigh* either way...for the past two days or should I say nights because I couldn't sleep I focused on painting on shirts. I have tons of shirts with no print on them and paint. Bad combination. Shit happens. Haha. So this is what I've been up to...

Marvel geek whatcha gonna do. The Winter Soldier design is based off a poster a friend of mine owns. So the original idea credit goes to the artist. I only modified it a bit. The last one isn't done yet but it's gonna be a ''salt and burn'' type thing. Supernatural fan. I'm a geek for too many things it would seem. I use standard textile paint and Dynasty paint brushes. Expensive as fuck but well worth their money. So kiddos that's it for today, I'll see you on monday, stay safe or should I say stay in the shade and enjoy your weekend.