God it's been another endless week and a weekend way too short. Anyone else feels like that? Where do I sign that we swap? Saturday and Sunday are work days but then Monday to Friday it's the weekend. Let a girl dream alright.
One of the hardest things in the past week was no doubt watching Notre Dame burning. I swear I felt my heart burning with that cathedral. As you probably all know, I'm an art student, I went to a private art school before I started studying where I am now and private art classes. I grew up with art all around me. Either musical or traditional. I've seen literally hundreds of museums and galleries and mostly churches, all over Italy, Poland, Spain, Austria, Germany,... with Berlin Dom being my absolute favourite one, but I never saw Notre Dame, ironically, despite it being Gothic and Gothic being my favourite art period. It's been a very long standing on going wish to see it someday, so watching it go up in flames and just the thought alone that I may never have the chance was horrible. It's a beautiful cathedral with such rich history and the fact that it was almost lost is a disaster.
It made me think though. There's so many things that I want to see someday, try, do, places to visit, and I keep saying I got time I'm still young, which may be true even though I'm not getting any younger, but do places and people still have time? In this vicious world we live in? Is there time for anything? I am starting to think there isn't. If there's something that excites you, makes you feel happy or alive, or just makes you wonder, then stop saying there's time and go do it. One of my bands once said in a song ''I'm just a moment so don't let me pass you by''. Stop wasting time waiting for that perfect moment, chances are it will never come.
Alright enough ramblings and back to what you actually want me to write about. Bands and music and fangirling and bands and NO End game spoilers or Game of thrones for that matter. But can I just say I loved the premiere?
Okay so here goes, playing this green monster as loud as it goes while I write this up....
Which I just now realised that it might not be the best thing, specially if my family happens to walk in right when Michael is singing ''Pussy aint free''. Happened before. Interesting experience not going to lie. Did you know that Steel Panther used to be called Metal Skool though? First time I heard about them, long fucking time ago, was while watching an episode of LA ink, where Michael gets a tattoo from Kat Von D (something I'm dying for btw, a tattoo by Kat, probably a portrait of Presley's mug shot not gonna lie hah).
Also did you know that I love this band? They're absurd, their lyrics are gross and sexist, that whole exaggerated ''hair metal'' persona they have on stage, let's not even start with their live shows or music videos. But shit I love them. Someone once told me ''don't take life too serious'' and that's just what this is, they're about fun. About having a good time, about not thinking too much. And under all the idiotic lyrics, guys, they are really good muscians.
I was after their first three albums Feel the steel, Balls out and All you can eat for the longest time, but go figure on Discogs they are ridiculously expensive. Their last album that I do own, I got in a small record store in our capital city. Imagine that. I was over the moon. That much more when I get home and open it and it's green! Green you guys. I freaked. I have a slight obsession with coloured vinyl and don't have enough of it at home to be fair. Note to self. Get more coloured vinyl. OH! Or like those with splatter pattern, Elvis has one of those…I have a problem I know, vinyl obsession is one thing, but coloured, patterned or even better special shape cut out. Yeah then I'm dead.
But let me get back to the point before I get totally carried away. Lower the Bar is the fourth studio album by the Panthers and it was originally supposed to come out on February 24, 2017, but was delayed for about a month due to either Lexxi being on rehab for his sex addiction...again or Stixx being on an rehab from drinking…again. Which to this day I'm still sure is all bullshit to promote their ''bad boy'' image. I doubt that they are THAT bad. I mean y'all watched The Dirt right? And if Vince Neil didn't have a sex addiction then these guys can't either.
The song I heard first, about ten years ago was ''Community property''. Watched a live video and spat out my drink when Michael starts singing and he sings one line, and the crowd sings the rest, a song that goes…
''I would give you the stars in the sky but they're too far away, If you were a hooker, you'd know I'd be happy to pay. If suddenly you were a guy, I'd be suddenly gay cause my heart belongs to you, my love is pure and true, my heart belongs to you but my cock is community property.''
At least they're honest right?
When you look pass their lyrics which is what I assume is the issue most people have with them, and you look at them as preformers you'll see that Michael Starr is the true embodiment of the 80's rock / metal bands. His vocals live are so strong and so SO on point, I'm quite certain that without him this band wouldn't be what it is today. There are not many singers that can sing like THAT. There used to be of course but there aren't today. Also Satchel, he's crazy underrated, but guys did you pay attention to any of his solos? Any one of them? He shreds that guitar almost effortlesly through all those hard riffs and solos. It's amazing, he fucks around 90% of the time with stupid and sometimes offensive jokes but when he plays he plays. And he does it damn well.
You know what I love about their live shows? They're filled with debauchery and comedy that has you laughing along. There's never a dull moment on stage, I mean there shouldn't be a dull moment on any concert but here there really won't be. It reminds me of All time low. Though ATL are really PG11 comparing to Panther yet they still got letters from parents which then Alex made fun of and read on stage. Good times.
Steel panther usually also do covers and oh my god have you seen them do ''Crazy train?'' Michael looked just like Ozzy, behaviour wise. It was wild! Impresonation so on point that even Ozzy would be confused. Of course the covers include all the biggest names in the 80's, Journey, Crue, Whitesnake,…I guess that's another thing I love about them. I always say I was born in the wrong era, that my heart actually belongs somewhere in the 80's, and this transportation back to that time through their music…heaven.
There were also two or three shows where they covered Guns N' Roses and Steven Adler joined them on stage. I freaked out. Would kill to be there. Now if you know me, or if you look to the right a bit below on this blog then you'll know I am a big Popcorn Adler fan. (long shot but Axe if you're reading, I am begging you, get Stevie back home.)
My point here is, before I get into the actual album that with these guys, don't let their crazy antics, colourfull language and debauchery trick you, these guys are world class musicians, their music is not just as easy as it sounds, covers aren't easy but they shred through them without a problem and all of them sound amazing, spot on just right, with a tiny flare of Steel Panther added to them and they are not simple songs, many musicians can't do it. A cover is never easy if you wanna do right by the original artist.
Now the actual album. It's as sleazy as the rest of them are, as politically incorrect, offensive, and fucking perfect. Guys I love sleazy eighties rock. Maybe in the 80's they were a bit more ''censored'' but then again Crue's All in the name of rock aint much better is it? Maybe not as direct at least.
I am obsessed with the song Poontang Boomerang. it's so stupid and so perfct at the same time. And it was also the name of the second guitar pedal which came after the critically acclaimed Pussy melter. Come on seriously people, why so uptight, it's just a joke. At the end of the day it's not the first guitar pedal with a dumb offensive name ( https://www.musicradar.com/news/guitars/10-outrageous-effects-pedals-584997 ) but this one set you off? Why?
This song though, Poontang Boomerang when the video came out guess where it premiered? Yep Pornhub. Total Panther style. I'm just gonna risk it here and say, don't listen to other people, this is a great song. They just don't get Steel Panther.
Generally, the critics will say that their first album was their best, and it's amazing no doubt. Asian hooker, Community property, Eyes of a panther, Death to all but metal, those are totally my jams! I love them all but I actually think this one might be it. The best one. Not only saying because it's on green vinyl but because I actually think it's a great record. Well written, even better played and the ballad ''That's when you came in and blew me (away)'' stop with the dirty thoughts! But that's a song that will have you hum along, never mind the questioning lyrics. It gives me this Warrant Cherry pie vibe. They're nothing alike of course except that Cherry Pie (though hated by Jani Lane) was just the same yet their biggest hit. Why? Cuz it was and is fucking awesome. Who cares if it's a little dirty?
I feel like this album is a bit say refined, not at filthy as the rest of them were, more polished and more original in a way. It still has that strong 80's vibe but it's different, refresing. I can't type this down without giggling but come on ''Wasted too much time fucking you'', is a great break up song, it's straight forward yes but don't we all get the whole point of wasting time with someone who's not even worth it?
It was hard not knowing what you're getting into when the first single of the album is exclusively on Pornhub right? Which btw I think is a great idea. In a world where promotion is so full of it, we're tired of commercials badgering us everywhere we go and originality is pretty much dead at this point, well hell, nobody did this before. Props guys.
The production on this album is badass, it has both hard rock, ballad, rock n' roll, the 80's, modern rock sound. Listen to ''Going in the backdoor'' Michaels vocals on that are out of this world, nevermind the solos. The boys know how to create perfect songs to head bang to and party to.
And let's not forget the cover of ''She's tight'' which actually features Rob Zander which you probably know is the original lead singer and rythem guitarist of Cheap Trick, who I'm sure loved the song and the video and that silly tribute to Cheap trick on Michaels shirt ''Cheap slut''. I love you Michael.
Thing is when it comes to this band, you either get the joke or you don't. They are not a band you shoud disect and look for all the things you find wrong or offensive or sexist. They're a band that took glam metal to the total extremes making even Spinal Tap look stupid. They're ridiculous and a party band for those of us who get the joke. I think I read somewhere that the album acually has a warning ''you need an open mind to appreciate these tunes''. True.
Of course it's easier to put on some overly sappy Bon Jovi than ''Pussy aint free'' but you know...romance gets boring sometimes. In music and in the bedroom. Just saying. Women don't always want to be cuddled, sometimes they want to be thrown on the bed and ''worshipped''.
The song ''Now the fun starts'' was a shocking one as well, just what the band aimed for I suppose, it's a commentary on transsexuals and more specifically Caitlyn Jenner. Highly controversial and completely inappropriate lyrics but then again, topic aside, don't you miss more songs that would shock the public? In a good way? In a political way? Songs that would snap the people from the daze they're in? I sure do. A song as life changing as say Sam Cooke A change is gonna come, which he wrote as a protest song to support the civil rights movement in the United States. Or John Lennons Imagine which I believe needs no explanation. Or maybe Sex Pistols God save the Queen which people still don't get. It's not about supporting or loving the Queen it's about rebelling against British politics, written when many young people felt alienated by the continued rule of the royal monarchy.
So in that same vein, don't you want music that shocks you, changes the world, changes your outlook on something, everything? I know Panther don't do that, obviously. Panther are here to party and honestly I can appreciate that too, we're all lacking fun, being carefree and forgetting about problems and stress in our lives. Don't say that aint true.
At the end of the day you can't ignore the respect that Steel Panther got within the music business, and the many writing and recording partnerships, like THE Corey Taylor and THE M. Shadows. They're my guilty pleasure that I can't resist. The album was actually sold with a tshirt and a beer mug on their website, surprisingly no dildos? Have Motley Crue beat them to that? Disappointing aint it?
Either way as they would say this album is totally bitchin and if you're into them then I know you love it, if you're not,…well I'm just going to say you're missing out but not that you should get it. I suppose for them that whole ''only for specific audience'' is more than true.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'll go dig through my closet, pretty sure there's supposed to be one of their shirts in there that says ''trEAT YOUR GIRL RIGHT'', that I stole from my friend.
Cheers, try to survive through this long week coming up and play some heavy shit, cuz you know how it goes ''death to all but metal''.
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