This post was going to be something completely different. Like literally I had a whole long post written, the usual mix of music review and personal ramblings that nobody cares about. Should I say I jinxed myself by writing ahead? It was about music I don't own, have ordered online, and it never showed up. This is that ''everything I plan goes wrong'' thing I talked about the other day. Cursed. Sigh. Next time I guess. Keeping the post though for…well don't know when. Sometime.
How was your New Years then? Feels funny writing New Years when it doesn't feel like one at all. I'm not much of a party girl tbh, I don't do social gatherings, in a party in a house with pets, do expect me mingling with them, not humans. Family events which I was forced to go to up to two years ago made me gag and I was always the ''crazy aunt''. A bit young for the part but you get the point, right? Shows up late, dressed like glam Morticia Addams with a bottle of wine, already drunk, going ''what's up bitches?'' when walking in. People would say we were like the winners of a genetic lottery. My ''posh'' family and then me, all leather and lace with ''too much'' black liner. It never bothered me, it only bothered them. Funny how family always knows how to judge and be negative about things. I can't for the life of me imagine why I (an intellectual) would look at someone in a leather jacket sideways or think anything but the person is wearing it because they're cold. Honestly, if I had a cent for each insult I've heard from my family alone I'd be living in a (black) Disney castle by now with a Bentley parked outside. And the biggest irony of it all? I get constantly bitched at for being so ''negative'', and ''hateful'', and ''violent'' and how is it possible I never have anything nice to say about anything or anyone, and how is it possible that I have such horrible opinion of myself, and why do I feel I am never good enough at everything I do. Oh wow, no matter I only been treated that way all my life. It's only everything I know. My point here is, parents take it easy on your kids. And kids that are yet to have kids, please don't pass on damaging things on your kids just because your parents did. It's not right and it's not the way. Always be better.
Specially after 2020, it wasn't only a tough year for us, it was a tough year for our kids as well.
I went down the rabbit hole, reading New Years posts for ten years back. And hell, it's been a rough decade. I guess the world wide panic, depression, lonliness, numbness, didn't really effect me as much because well my past ten years have been 2020. Maybe that's the real reason why I'm the way I am. Detached. Sure life is what you make it and all that, but what are you supposed to do when things going on in your life are literally out of your control?
Speaking about out of control, this first portion was written earlier, writing the entire post today (4.1.2021) I just can not believe, the news that started the day. The passing of Alexi Laiho, one of the best guitar players in the world, and one of the kindest people one could meet. I'm sitting here shell shocked. Day four on this alien planet in a new era and this is how it starts? You guys I am cancelling my subscription to 2021. Alexi was kind, caring, loving, funny, awesome, sweet, gifted, and he will be missed so much. Life most definatelly isn't fair.
There's not much one can say after such a begining to a new year. Add lockdown week I don't even know which at this point. Add constant pouring rain. I feel like living in an experiment, like, how much can happen before people go completely crazy. Like living in a snow globe, life outside goes on but you're stuck in some sorta bubble. I don't think anyone expected a miracle. At least I didn't. It's not like someone is going to wave their magic stick and things will fall into place. I, personally, just needed new year as closure you know. An end to the horror show that was 2020, regardless of what 2021 brings.
In that spirit, join me on Friday for a book review (if I manage enough creativity for a good pic. All these ''bookstagramers'' are killing me). A sappy, perfect, romantic novel by Nicholas Sparks. Yes, sometimes I read those too. Spoiler alert, every girl likes a little bit of romance now and then.
Here's to another week in hell, sorry, quarantine. Cheers guys.
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