Carnival of Sins

I came to realize lately how much I really can't stand people. I mean I am surrounded by such idiots I might as well shack up with penguins on Antarctica and it would of been better. If it wasn't so damn cold. I mean teenagers and kids get worse each year. I don't know how parents manage to fuck up their kids so bad. I mean I was many things and not an angel by no means but I still had manners and knew how to behave in public. Smoking, drinking, swearing, slut clothes, pants halfway down your ass, disrespect, thinking you're so badass by not caring about nothing and nobody...that doesn't make you cool. It makes you a fucking idiot. You know what makes you cool? Studying does because someday studying brings you a kickass job that makes you cool. Or being modest does. You really think men fall for your tits hanging out and no underwear under those disgusting leggings? Which by the way makes me wonder who the fuck decided that it's okay to wear leggings instead of pants? I'm not saying when you're in a gym working out, or at home on your couch, but who the fuck said it's okay to wear them outside? With no underwear? With no shirt covering your ass? It honestly creeps me out. I saw a girl the other day at the mall. In white leggings, and she was quite big if you know what I mean, so the material was stretched making it more ''transparent''. And you know there are things you wish you could ''unsee'' because that...the entire shopping mall saw the excat star patern her thing was shaved in. Jesus christ. And you know what else makes you cool? Being a gentleman does. It's so disturbing that we live in time where being nice is mistaken for flirting because no woman expects a man to be nice to her just because he is. I honestly don't remember a man ever opening the doors for me, they'd rather just slam them in my face, or ever seeing a man give up his seat on the bus for a pregnant woman or an elderly citizen. I don't hear stories of boyfriends bringing home flowers or chocolates just because they felt like it, I only hear about guilt presents on Valentine's day. Speaking of you probably know I hate it with a burning passion but since we're at it, you know what the best present I got for Valentines was? Not flowers or chocolates or stuffed animals though there were those as well. No, it was a cd with mixed songs, and they were not sappy romantic love songs that make you question your love life, no no, they were nice songs some a little heavier some a little calmer. And you know why I loved it? Because everyone can go to the store, buy heart shaped candy or the first red thing or red roses they see but doing something like that...it takes effort. I don't need expensive gifts, it means much more if someone gets you your favorite record or whatever it is that you love, because you know they've been paying attention and they actually care about your wishes.

Which brings us to another completly unrelated thing. But still on the same ''people suck'' rant. You know I love being part of ''fandoms''...most days people in these comunities feel a lot more like family then my actual family. Like the SPN family, or the Hustlers and the Astronauts...my kinda people and I love them. I love the love and support in these fandoms. Nobody cares where you're from, how old are you, nothing, you're part of the fandom meaning you're part of the family. And here's the thing. I'm only part of American, British, German fan groups. Why? Because people in my country have a god given gift to ruin something as nice as a fandom for everyone. Where should be nothing but love and support there's showing off and greed and superiority. Like I don't give a flying fuck how many official fan clubs are you a part of, I don't give a flying fuck how many concerts have you seen, I don't give a rats ass how long have you been a fan and I sure as fuck don't give a fuck about your bragging of being best friends with one of the band guys. That's not the point. It doesn't matter if you're an old fan or a new fan. It doesn't matter how long you've liked someone, it doesn't matter if you've seen them live or not, if you're in the fan club or not, some people are not rich, some people can't afford all that but guess what? It doesn't make them any less of a fan then you are. If anything it makes them a bigger one. Being a fan is not measured by your ability to see them live or by how much money you spend on a band. That is just stupid. You can love and enjoy music and never see their concert. Would that make you less of a fan? I don't think so. Here's the thing. I love Michael Jackson, I've got his records, couple of tshirts and three or so dvds. I never got to see him live though, there was just never a chance and then he passed away so what does that mean? I'm worth less as a fan then someone who was fortunate enough to see him five times? Fuck you alright. Fuck all of you who think that. And you know what's the dumbest thing? You'd expect these things from teenagers. No. You're wrong, these are all middle aged women acting like complete fucking bubble headed idiots online. I'm a supporter of feminism don't get me wrong but somebody should slap the stupid out of these women. Don't they have anything better to do? I've seen Justin Bieber fans act more mature and that's saying something considering most of them are kids.

And then there's people who think they're better then anyone else, people who shove their opinion down your throat, thinking they have any right to force you into their way of life, their way of thinking. These things piss me off so much. I don't care what you think about politics, world problems, economy, religion, my diet. I.DO.NOT.CARE. Unless I ask I don't want your opinion shoved down my throat convincing me it's the only real one. So you believe what you believe. That's great. Do your thing. But I swear the god if you try to convince me into following thinking my opinion doesn't matter because only yours is right I will reach in your mouth and rip your vocal chords out with my bare hands. If you spend another minute telling me how my music and movies and tv shows suck and only yours are great I'll rip your lungs out. Let's be serious for a second people are different, we like different things. The movie Avatar can be ''amazing'' and best rated and god knows what else and I still haven't watched the whole thing because I fell asleep watching it twice. I just find it boring. But that doesn't mean someone else can't enjoy it or that I deserve being called names by so called fans because I don't like something they enjoy. So we disagree, shit happens but that doesn't mean we can't be civil about it. I have friends who enjoy One direction, wear fur, eat more meat then I did in my entire life before I turned vegetarian, are religious. I have friends who's points of view on life are just completly insane, friends who support the political party that I'm pretty sure will be the end of us. And so what? Does that mean I'll walk away from them? Forget all the times they were there for me? Forget that when I was at my lowest they were there telling me that everything will be alright. Forget that I did the same for them at some point? Thing is none of us fucking cares what the other enjoys. If we can meet halfway and find some things we both love that's great but if not that's alright too. It won't change the fact that they're good people and great friends. Nobody should be judged based on what they believe, love, hate.

Then there's this...woman. She's been slowly but surely driving me crazy. I've been called more then a few things by her most recent an idiot because of the way I dress. Now you may think she doesn't like my style. Oh no. Not even close. What she doesn't like is that I'm always shipshaped. I do have my own style that is true but my clothes are never dirty, torn, wrinkled or unmatched *unless we're talking about socks* and that is what bothers her. Can you believe that? I keep getting comments how it should matter what is in my head instead of the clothes I wear. Now please anwser this, does it make me an idiot if I care about the clothing I wear? I think what matters is that you're comfortable and confident and I sure as fuck won't feel confident wearing some worn out, washed out shirt and jeans with holes on an important business event. Here's what I agree with, clothes don't define you or your worth, what I wear doesn't make me more or less capable of doing a certain job but just because I like too look nice does not make me an idiot. Because I prefer Levi's jeans does not make me a snob. I just happen to like their jeans, they're comfy and better quality. Just because I don't buy in second hand stores doesn't make me a superior bitch. I bought shirts and shoes and this amazing coat in secondhand stores in Berlin before. I don't care about price tags or brands or whatever the fuck else. I buy clothes I like, if I can afford them and it doesn't matter where they come from. I don't only wear Converse because I'd be a brand fanatic or some shit, I wear Converse because I like them and because they're comfortable and don't make my feet sore. I like wearing high heels because they make me feel better about myself. I don't wear them because ''every woman should have a pair in her closet'' or because the society thinks they're hot. No. The only reason I wear them is because I like them. Same with my jeans, Doc's, band shirts. My clothes are my creative freedom, they express me, who I am. Just because I refuse to look like you, which is...well we both know what is, doesn't make me an idiot and it sure as hell doesn't make you smarter then me. If you'd really finish that university you're always bragging about I would imagine you'd know at least that much, though we both know school doesn't teach you shit it's life and experience that teaches you.

One last thing that I've been dealing with a lot lately. I'm an artist right. I'm not saying I'm Da Vinci but like my clothing I have my own art style and I'm good at it. So people come to me ''oh you're an artist, you should draw a puppy instead of those skulls'' or ''why do you keep drawing portraits? Draw something else''. You ''could of'' or you ''should of''. And you know what I am bloody sick of it. I shouldn't and I don't have to do anything anyone else say. My art. My problem. The whole point of art is expressing yourself. Your freedom. Your artistic freedom. And I sure as hell don't need someone putting me into frames saying what I should or shouldn't do. And there's that other thing ''can you draw me...'' whatever it is that they want. A portrait, a tattoo design, their aunts sisters brothers wifes dogs toy. Whatever. And when I ask them if they're gonna pay for it they're all offended. Excuse you. And I can't be offended? You think saying ''why? It's just a drawing'' is not offensive? And I wouldn't even make a fuss because pencils and paper really don't cost that much, but what about my time that I put into my work? That doesn't count for nothing? Art is not free. Because honestly, Mona Lisa is ''just a painting'' also but it's priceless. Again I know I'm not Da Vinci but that doesn't mean as an artist that I'm worthless and I should be giving my work away for free. The hell is that about? Then I'm the bitch for asking people to pay for it. I mean if you're a lawyer you don't sue and divorce people for free do you? You don't wash cars for free or pour drinks for free or god forbid cut someone's hair for free because you like their face. And don't you dare tell me that it's not the same because it is. It's excatly the same. Just like all of the above are someone's occupation, art is mine. I may not be a painter but I am an artist so my art whatever form it may be, a pencil portrait, a digital tattoo design, a photography shouldn't be for free.

You know this list could go on and on and on because there's so much about people that angers me that I can't even begin to explain all of it and I already wrote way too much. So instead in the light of this weekend and tomorrow I will share with you the photoshooting my friend and I did, we called it Carnival of Sins and I think it turned out pretty awesome...